In the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, the Wicked Queen Grimhilde (did you know that was her name?) is probably most notable for reciting into her mirror, “Magic mirror, on the wall – who is the fairest one of all?”
Much like Grimhilde (what a name!) I too, spend quite a bit of time looking in the mirror, although not as I did in the past. A bout with depression last year, where it was a struggle to take a shower, cured me of my obsession. Being in a place where I had to spend hours of self-talk willing me to go bathe meant that there was no desire to spend any amount of time looking in the mirror.
Much has changed over the last year. A new regime of medication (can I get a whoop! whoop! for Vraylar??) has me feeling the best I think I have ever felt in my life (impressive statement, I would venture to say), but it also means that I have been spending a bit more time looking in the mirror… The last few years have been rough, mentally, physically, emotionally and physically. I was certain that I would have a head sprinkled with silver strands of hair but nope, that did not happen. What DID happen is my face started to melt…
Not sure how it happened, but there is this darkness that lays below my two emerald colored eyes accompanied by small, puffy bulges of skin. There are wrinkles that stretch from the corner of my eyes, small little cracks like the scorched desert on a hot Arizona day. On either side of my mouth are creases that start by my nose going down either side of my mouth. I stand in the mirror and I blurt out “what the hell is happening to my face??” Is this the whole getting older thing that everyone warned me about? Why couldn’t I just get gray hair?
So, I did the only thing that I could do. I went to Macy’s and consulted my favorite Clinique lady, asking her to fix my face. It took mere minutes to have a bag full of magic for my face. In my sack of hope there’s: an under-eye cream for use morning and at night, moisturizer for the day, a super hydrating cream to apply at night and a foaming face wash to use twice daily.
Each day I stick to my regime and I gaze in the mirror, praying that my face is more youthful. So far, not much change, but I will not give up! I never give up without a fight, and hell, I am going to fight for my face!
A new morning ritual, after adding the eye cream and then the moisturizer, is adding concealer under my eyes and a light and airy foundation to my entire face. I try my skill at applying eye makeup in a way that is becoming and distracting to my “flaws”. When I am done, I do a smile then a frown, but tell myself I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
Much like other aspects of my life, I know I need to be accepting. To embrace where I am and be thankful for what I have gone through. My face may be melting like butter left on the counter, but in a way, my face reflects my battles. I have been fighting for years upon years, and I have survived, becoming increasingly stronger every day. And this very thing is what makes me incredibly thankful.