The fork in the road

fork1Often, we find ourselves at a place where we have a few options and we don’t know what to do.  It’s the proverbial fork in the road.  Do you stay straight, go left or go right?  There are advantages and disadvantages to each path.  Being at a fork in the road is something that I deal with often due to my mental and physical issues.

This week I am faced with the dilemma of modifying my medication.  One medication will help assist with the OCD and the crazy, intrusive and disturbing thoughts that plague my mind all day long, but it could make me go manic.  The other medication will help relieve the Fibromyalgia discomfort and pain, but can destabilize my mood.

I have been in such a wonderful place, but right now I don’t know what to do, making me feel frozen.  In the past, I have been a risk taker with my medication.  Half the time my quality of life improves.  However, that other half of the time, my mood destabilizes, and it takes me nearly a month to get back to a balanced place.  There is so much at stake.

If I stay on my current path, I will counter each intrusive thought as it pops up in my head, be it hundreds of times a day.  And the pain in my neck and shoulders will linger.  Am I mentally and physically strong enough to continue fighting against these issues for the foreseeable future?

If I modify my medication, I will lose several days due to the adjustment period.  I will be groggy, exhausted, absent in my mind and body, but in a week’s time this should pass.  Having a head clear of disturbing, dark and twisted thoughts would be a nice gift.  But in either case, my mood stability could be put in jeopardy.  The last time I was manic it was torturous.

Last night I talked to my partner and we discussed the pros and cons of taking the medications.  It was a good conversation, although we did not decide about what we were going to do.  I say “we” because what I do in regards to my mental and physical health doesn’t just affect me, it effects my family.  As a result, I always talk to them to see what their thoughts and feelings are, and I make my decisions accordingly.

I received a phone call I received this morning.  It was my friend, she was making sure I was awake. I told her yesterday that taking the medication would make me drowsy and would make the morning rough for me.  I was elated with the super thoughtful phone call and it made my morning.  I shared that I had not started either medication and the reasons why.  We brainstormed about other ways I could combat the pain in a more holistic and natural manner.  She said she would support me in what I was doing and do what she could to make similar changes.

I still don’t know what I am going to do.  But, I know that I have the support of the people that mean the most to me.  I will see what the next few days bring me and perhaps I will have a better idea of what I will do.

When we are at a place of indecision, having people in our lives that we can go to, to share our thoughts and concerns, makes the burden that much easier to bear.  Having a good, support system makes everything just a little bit easier.

#blessed #supportsystem #bipolar #fibromyalgia #medication #pain #friends #family

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