Uncategorized

Words that Hurt

DOEKUr6U8AATnKn“You will need a DNA test to prove that you are my daughter” …

“I wish I would’ve never married you” …

“Having sex with you is like shooting fish in a barrel if you are on birth control” …

“It’s your fault we are not conceiving” …

“The rules are different for when you are just engaged and when you get married” …

“You didn’t return my phone call, you’re a f’in C*&%” …

“You are nothing without me” …

“It’s you job to make dinner and clean because you are the wife” …

“You can’t take that job because it doesn’t pay enough, find something else” …

“If you loved me, you would do this for me” …

“Going to college is the most selfish thing that you could do” …

“Any girlfriend of mine will do this…”

The above statements are all things that I have been told, and these are all examples of verbal abuse.  But when they were said, they just seemed hurtful and silly me thought I was deserving of what I was hearing.  Verbal abuse is described as a negative defining statement told to the victim or about the victim, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent

I was in a marriage that was abusive, yet I was never physically assaulted.  I was taunted, ridiculed, ignored and bullied.  I was cheated on and lied to.  On many occasions I was left to deal with consequences of his actions that were turned around and blamed on me.  I had objects thrown at my head and furniture ripped from its hinges while engaging in heated conversations that had me scared for my life.  The money from my salary was used to buy drugs.

When people are under the influence of drugs and alcohol, they can turn into monsters.  Although shortly after the abuse happens they may be remorseful, it doesn’t take back what was said and what transpired during their tantrum.

I made the mistake of keeping this all to myself.  I was convinced that I deserved the life that I was living, that the dreadful things that happened to me were my fault and that I would never find better.  That I was worthless and damaged goods.  That no one else would ever want me.  That I was a disappointment and a mistake.  One of my bigger regrets, was not reaching out for help.  I silently dealt with the abuse and this has left me with a bit of damage and the subsequent diagnosis of PTSD.

All of this is not ok.  No abuse, whether it be mental, emotional, verbal, physical, social, economic, spiritual or sexual is acceptable.  We all deserve to feel safe and secure.  I am in a much better place right now in my life, but I still deal with the scars of what I was subjected to.  I still have immense insecurities that can be linked to the role one parent played in my life (or didn’t play) and my marriage and subsequent relationship.  I am in the process of reversing what damage was done, and it is no easy feat.

 

If you are in an abusive relationship some things that you can do are: Decide if you’re in any immediate danger, get support, talk to the police, believe in yourself and know your rights.

A resource available is the National Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (http://www.thehotline.org/ )

 

You are not alone, you can secure help and get to a safe place.  You are worthwhile and deserving of love and respect.

 

 

Articles worth reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/15-common-forms-verbal-abuse-in-relationships and https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/09/28/5-ways-to-escape-an-abusive-relationship/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s