I like cake.
I love cupcakes.
I thoroughly enjoy the process of making cakes and cupcakes, but not pies, for some reason, I am not good when it comes to making pies. And you know now that I think about it, the same goes for cookies. Not sure why but me and cookies just don’t jive.
Making the cake and measuring all the ingredients… Cracking the eggs, pouring in the oil, melting the butter… Watching my Kitchen aid whip all the ingredients together to make one large bowl of ooey, gooey mix makes me smile.
Loading up the oven with my pans batter and setting the time and waiting for the cake to be done, is not so much one of my favorite parts. I get so impatient to get right to the decorating part that the time it takes for the cakes to cook and cool drives me batty.
Honestly, the cleaning part too, yeah that is not one of my favorites at all. The batter can be slimy, the frosting sticky. The sink gets filled up too fast and it forces me to start washing everything as the cake slowly bakes. And I have always just purely hated doing the dishes. Not sure what happened, maybe my fake kitchen fell on me as a child and that traumatized me or what?
When It’s finally time to decorate, that’s when I think the real magic happens. The freshly whipped icing glides onto the cakes with ease and the transformation begins. There is something about taking ingredients and then using them in a way that creates a fascinating piece of art work that just gets me so incredibly excited.
But, through this entire process of cake making there is this little voice in my head telling me that I am not good enough. That my cakes won’t be delectable, and the decorating work will be subpar. As much as I love to bake and decorate, it requires an immense amount of self-talk and going toe to toe with my insecurities and working through them.
The bigger the cake and the more complex the decorations the less sleep that I get. I lay awake at night, working through how I am going to divide and conquer each step and have the cake completed by the deadline. I get incredibly stressed over most of my cake orders and this has led me, in the past, to stop making cakes altogether. I want the cakes to be just perfect, and boy is that difficult expectation to fill. The reality is that I am not an expert cake maker. I have taken two or three Wilton Cake decorating classes and have spent thousands of hours practicing on my own, but my skill set is not comparable to the pros or even other people that I know.
As much as I would prefer to deny it, I suffer from quite the many insecurities. I know where the insecurities came from and I am working on processing what had been said in the past and writing new narratives to the story. I also remind myself that I do not need to be perfect. My flaws make me the fabulous person that I am.
If I can keep my brain from running amuck, I can do amazing work. I can be slow, steady and patient. Resulting in presenting the customer with work that meets their expectations. The reality is that everyday I learn more and more and progress past old narratives which frees me.
Tonight, when I get home and begin working on a spectacular sweet 16 cake, I will speak affirmations to myself:
- “You are talented”
- “You are worthy of praise”
- “You can do all things that you put your mind to”
- “You are amazing”
- “You are gifted”
- “You make delicious and beautiful cakes”
- “I am proud of myself and all that I have accomplished”
- “It is ok if I am not perfect”
And, tonight, I will of course, eat cake 😊