The last month has been filled with excitement, energy, loneliness and sadness. The mania was exhilarating and misleading in that they felt like out of this world amazing days. The depression was heavy and daunting, making me feel anger and major frustration. And then there is now…
I am back on an upswing, perhaps it’s the hormones that have finally kicked in or the higher dose of Lithium. I am not sure which one it is or if it is a combination of both. However, I have had better days over the last week, trending in an upward momentum, but leveling off at a reasonable level of stability and contentment.
I am cautiously optimistic that I am in the clear. That my good days now are just that, plain and simple. Nothing spectacular or consisting of leaping unicorns, shimmering sparkles and sprinkled cupcakes all sitting and smiling at me. But, more like, a gentle breeze on a blue sky filled day when you are sitting on a blanket in a meadow and staring at your toes while you are listening to the wind blow and birds chirping. You know, simpler and laid back, more calm and timid. I am assuming the way that it is supposed to be.
Am I still frustrated with the nature of Bipolar Disorder.
Does it still annoy the hell out of me that my hormones play such a huge role in how I feel and the stability that I either have or don’t have.
However, I am grateful that the mania I experienced was mild in comparison to what I have experienced in the past. A friend pointed out how it was a pure blessing that the time spent in mania was not destructive like it has been in the past. It was really something that I did not realize that I was manic until the depression hit. I am elated that the depression cycle was quite short lived, and I did not suffer for an extended period of time.
At this point, I am focusing on the positives that came out of this experience. I am grateful for where I am in this given moment, that I have joy and happiness in my heart. That I am looking forward to spending the long weekend with the people that I love the most, my family.
I appreciate the thoughts and positive energy that were sent my way over the last few weeks. They were felt and exactly what I needed. The support that I receive is amazing and I am incredibly grateful for what I have received.
May your weekend be filled with blessings, happiness and contentment.