A vacation is an opportunity to get away from it all, a time to rest and relax, to be carefree and without worry. Right? For me, it is a time to think about everything horrific that could happen that will only happen because I am away from my house and unable to do anything to remedy the worst-case scenarios that I have created in my head and that I have convinced myself are going to happen.
I like vacation. More so, I like the concept of vacation. Most times, I look forward to the idea of being on vacation, or is it more of the not being at work working? But, the process it takes to get ready to leave for vacation, makes it probable that I may need to increase the dosage of my anxiety medication just to make it through the day.
The things that run, quick like a bunny, through my head and around in circles, like a dog chasing their tail include, but are not limited to:
- Do I have enough clothes to wear?
- What if I pack something and don’t want to wear it and have no other choices?
- What if there is a major change in weather and I am not prepared?
- What if the ac (or the heat) go out and my poor little baby kitties suffer?
- What if one of my darling fur babies somehow sneak out of the house?
- What if there is a break in because someone is watching our house and they know no one is home and they steal our belongings and let the cats out?
- Do we have enough snacks for the trip?
- What if we run out of food?
- What if I forget my medication?
- What if I have a manic high, or a drop down into depression while I am away?
- What if a pipe bursts and floods the house and ruins our belongings?
- What if I forget something really important?
Here is how I am processing these fears, with the help of my partner (have I expressed how I would be totally lost without him lately?):
- The reality is that I have MORE than enough clothes to wear.
- If I pack something that I don’t want to wear I need to get over it and just wear it.
- Quite frankly there could be a change in weather (like snow or hail) and we can just trot over to a local Target and purchase whatever it is that we need because we are not going to a third world country where we would be unable to buy necessities.
- If the AC goes out my MIL will let us know and we will have a crew dispatched to the house and have the issue remedied.
- The cats are chipped and will have their collars on, as well as the fact that they are intelligent and will come back to the house.
- Homeowner’s insurance will take care of a break-in should it happen. She #5 about the cats getting out
- Yes, Michelle we have PLENTY of food. Plus, there are bound to be places to stop along the way.
- See the above answer.
- The chances of you forgetting your medication is like you forgetting to bring your left foot. But if you do forget your medication, I am sure we can an emergency script called in for a pharmacy in the area because as stated in number 3, we are not going to a third world country.
- With the imbalance of my hormones, and the fact that I have been suffering from a mixed episode for more than a month, it is probable that I am going to have some ups and downs. And I will just deal with whatever happens, just like I am dealing with them now. One day at a time.
- See #6.
- See #3
Ok, so now seeing this on paper, I am feeling better. I still need to do several things to prepare for our vacation. And I want to do those things right now, at this very moment. But, at this point and time, that is not an option. I’ll make a handy dandy little list, go over the above items to calm my nervous, over anxious mind and maybe try some meditation.