Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Time Out

analog clock sketch in black surface
Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

There are times in life when our bodies force us to take a time out.  I have found this in the form of getting sick.  When I get sick, I try my best to stay home from work, even though at times I fear that the roof may collapse if I am not there.  I know that my co-workers will survive and that I do not want to get them sick, nor do they want to get sick themselves.  But, it is hard for me to take time to take care of me.

It is hard because I feel like I am not being strong enough, that I am being weak.  When in turn getting sick is probably the byproduct of being so strong for so long that my body decides that it needs a break.  I feel shame when asking for time off from my boss, as if this was something that I have chosen out of my free will.  Which is a bit insane because everyone gets sick, and it is never a good time to get sick.  No one that I know truly believes that I am robot or wonder woman and immune to all airborne illnesses.

My being sick this week was bound to be from the amount of stress that I endured over our vacation.  The stress depleting my immune system and thus causing me to be more susceptible to illnesses that were floating about looking for a host.  But, the more I think about it, the more I am proud of my body for letting me know that I needed to take a break.  Yes, I was just on vacation, however, it was a busy, adventure filled week, with not a whole lot of down time.  My body obviously needed to have more down time and it saw fit that I would wind up with something that would keep me home for nearly a whole week.

Instead of fighting this illness, like I have done in the past, I listened.  And oh my oh my, what a difference it makes when you listen, both to your doctor and your body.  I spent most of Independence Day in bed, lounging and sleeping and I am feeling much better today.  I still feel bad that I have been unable to go into the office, but have been working from home to the best of my ability.  But, I am treating myself in a way that I would treat a loved one, with understanding and patience.

I am accepting of my time out and you know in a way I am thankful.  Perhaps I needed this time out to maintain my stability with my mood and keep me in a good balanced place.  I try to look for the positive in all things and this is for sure an area where I can find some positives.

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