Facing Fears

bathroom bulb comfort room doors
Photo by James Frid on Pexels.com

Unbeknownst to me, I was going to face some fears today.  I did not wake up and think, “Hey, I am feeling really strong today, I am going to face some fears!”  Nope, it just happened.  I was unprepared and unexpecting it, but alas, the world decided that today would be the day for me.

I have this horrid fear of being walked in on while using the bathroom.  It prevents me from using public restrooms unless I absolutely must.  But, today, of all days, I forgot to lock the bathroom stall, and yup, someone walked right in on me.  But much to my surprise I did not die.  I am still alive, typing about what happened. Did I have a panic attack?  Nope.  Did I have an anxiety attack? Yup!  But you know what I am fine.  The shaking and the need to throw up didn’t last that long and I was able to get them under control through breathing and cognitive behavior techniques I have learned over the years.

It’s an odd fear.  Not sure where it came from, perhaps from being walked in on previously?  I am quite embarrassed about it.  That something so simple as just opening a door to access a bathroom stall brings me such anxiety and fear.  However, perhaps now that the dreaded event has happened, I will have less fear as I have proven to myself that I will be just fine if it should happen again.

In the past, something like this happening, would derail me completely.  I would have been crying mess, calling my mom all hyperventilating to the point where she can’t hear a word I am saying.  But, through my therapy and the time I have spent with bringing rationality to my irrational thoughts, I am far stronger than I have been in the past and now better able to cope.

I am hoping that I don’t have to face any more fears today.  I am now dreading my drive home because I have some major driving anxiety and would prefer to not have to face that anxiety head on.  But, should that be what is in the cards for me, I will remind myself what Christopher Robin spoke to his little friend Winnie the Pooh, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

8 thoughts on “Facing Fears”

  1. I have had that same fear Belle! Someday we should sit and talk about what we’ve been through! So much of it is the same stuff.
    I think you actually could help me more than I could you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We should. Next time I’m back east I will let you know so we can set aside some time for a coffee and we can catch up dear Aunt. Thank you for reading my work and taking the time to leave me a message.


  2. I have such a similar fear which forces me to check every toilet door I lock at least once and even then I rush to be done as quick as I can! You should be pleased you were able to deal with it so well and move on from it 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      I plan on talking more about it during therapy to try and process the fear and move past it.
      I was definitely overwhelmed the next time I had to use the restroom at the office but I made sure I locked the door.
      I’m looking forward to working through these fears and making them dominate my life less.

      Liked by 1 person

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