Unbeknownst to me, I was going to face some fears today. I did not wake up and think, “Hey, I am feeling really strong today, I am going to face some fears!” Nope, it just happened. I was unprepared and unexpecting it, but alas, the world decided that today would be the day for me.
I have this horrid fear of being walked in on while using the bathroom. It prevents me from using public restrooms unless I absolutely must. But, today, of all days, I forgot to lock the bathroom stall, and yup, someone walked right in on me. But much to my surprise I did not die. I am still alive, typing about what happened. Did I have a panic attack? Nope. Did I have an anxiety attack? Yup! But you know what I am fine. The shaking and the need to throw up didn’t last that long and I was able to get them under control through breathing and cognitive behavior techniques I have learned over the years.
It’s an odd fear. Not sure where it came from, perhaps from being walked in on previously? I am quite embarrassed about it. That something so simple as just opening a door to access a bathroom stall brings me such anxiety and fear. However, perhaps now that the dreaded event has happened, I will have less fear as I have proven to myself that I will be just fine if it should happen again.
In the past, something like this happening, would derail me completely. I would have been crying mess, calling my mom all hyperventilating to the point where she can’t hear a word I am saying. But, through my therapy and the time I have spent with bringing rationality to my irrational thoughts, I am far stronger than I have been in the past and now better able to cope.
I am hoping that I don’t have to face any more fears today. I am now dreading my drive home because I have some major driving anxiety and would prefer to not have to face that anxiety head on. But, should that be what is in the cards for me, I will remind myself what Christopher Robin spoke to his little friend Winnie the Pooh, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Well written, and relatable. Thanks for sharing so openly
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Thank you for the comment and for reading. I hope you have a fabulous night!
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I have had that same fear Belle! Someday we should sit and talk about what we’ve been through! So much of it is the same stuff.
I think you actually could help me more than I could you!
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We should. Next time I’m back east I will let you know so we can set aside some time for a coffee and we can catch up dear Aunt. Thank you for reading my work and taking the time to leave me a message.
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My irrational fear is about outhouses – I worry I’m going to fall in.
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I would have the same fear for sure. I worry about that when I have to use a portapotty.
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I have such a similar fear which forces me to check every toilet door I lock at least once and even then I rush to be done as quick as I can! You should be pleased you were able to deal with it so well and move on from it 😊
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Thank you.
I plan on talking more about it during therapy to try and process the fear and move past it.
I was definitely overwhelmed the next time I had to use the restroom at the office but I made sure I locked the door.
I’m looking forward to working through these fears and making them dominate my life less.
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