Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life

Sitting and Waiting

Over the last few days I have done a bit of sitting. Just idle time, while waiting for something or someone or just because I have nothing to do.

It’s odd for me to be still. I feel like I have to move deep in my bones yet I’m being forced to be still. The art of being still feels like a punishment, like I’ve done something wrong and am being tortured.

Through this process I have been able to focus my energy on calm and peace. That I’m where I’m supposed to be at the time I’m supposed to be there. And I’ve worked to enjoy this time. Yes I’ve spent a bit of time on my phone or my laptop but I’ve also spent time just being in the moment.

When interacting with others I have remained positive and pleasant. Whether it’s sitting at the dealership waiting for service in a hot bay on a 110* day, there was still a smile on my face. Meanwhile, the service I received was exceptional. Constant communication, updates provided even though no actions were taking place due to the busyness of the organization. I knew that the people I was working with had little to do with the increase level of service being requested by numerous patrons or the fact that they were short staffed. No sense in me being upset with them as the conditions were not for theirs to blame.

Sure I missed my daughter’s back to school night, but there will be other events where I will be able to attend.

I’ve been learning that mindset makes such a big difference. I could be irate that my new car, in my possession for less than a week, has an enormous screw in the tire. But I’m not. I’m relieved that my co worker noticed the flat on the passenger side and notified me. That I do have AAA and was able to get quick service and I had a spare tire to use in its place. The fact the dealership had availability for me to be seen immediately and the crews worked diligently to fix my tire. The situation was less than ideal however it is turning out to be almost a non-issue.

I accredit my ability to process said events as result of a mindfulness class that I took a few weeks ago. Where I learned how to process my thoughts and emotions and reconnect with my breath in a way that is soothing and calming. The class was quite challenging for me especially because I was suffering through mania through much of the course. However I was retaining the info that I was being taught and it was remaining in my muscle memory. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to take the course.

I am in control of how I handle the events that cross my paths. Some days I will succeed and other days I will have been able to do a better job. But in the end, I remain in control.

2 thoughts on “Sitting and Waiting”

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