It’s when you are sitting, perhaps waiting in a sitting area for your windshield to be replaced or sitting at your breakfast table drinking your morning cup of coffee. There’s this feeling surging through your legs that makes it feel like you need to breakout in song and dance. To start high kicking and line dancing and shaking what your mama gave you. That sensation deep in your bones that makes you feel like you must move.
This my dear readers is what I know to be mania. This is what I have been dealing with for several weeks, even while depressed. It’s what makes me worried that I’ll be unable to participate in the fall semester of college due to the inability to sit still nor concentrate.
Accompanying the fidgets or butterflies as I refer to them as when speaking with my psychiatrist, is the inability to remember much of anything if I have not documented whatever it is that I need to recall. I literally can be speaking and not be able to recall what just came out of my mouth. This makes conversations even more entertaining.
But alas, there’s more… inside my brain are so many thoughts and ideas that putting them together into sensible sentences has recently become a problem. I mix up words, displacing the order and speaking out thoughts that are jumbled. Being a person who IS intelligent, when I open my mouth I tend to come across as being less than intelligent due to all the confusion that’s going on in my mind.
I have medication to take that provides me with some relief from these symptoms, but the relief is short lived, and the jitters come back within what I consider a short amount of time. I despise having to “pop” pills to obtain relief from these agonizing symptoms but what are my other options? I have tried meditation and deep breathing but alas this does not provide me with the same relief that I receive from the medication (as short lived as that relief may be).
I’ve placed a call into my doctor and she is aware of my current status. I see her in person next week and this mania will be top on the priority of what we will discuss. Until then I will make the best of what I’ve been given and be appreciative for all I have regardless of my mental state. I will focus on my strength and perseverance and will continue to press on.