This blog, an original piece I wrote, was first published on The Bipolar Writer Blog (https://wordpress.com/post/jamesedgarskye.com) a few days ago… I wanted to post the blog to my site as well, as it further delves into who I am as a person and who I aspire to be.
Have you ever wondered who you are? Or been asked, who are you? Much like the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland asks Alice while blowing smoke rings. I am in a place where I am wondering who I am, where do I fit, where do I want to go, who do I want to be?
I have had some down time and with said down time, well that’s when I think my big thoughts, the heavy ones the ones that are complex and deep. This is what I have come up with.
Who Am I?
I am a powerhouse, a person of great energy, strength, or power. A strong, persistent warrior. A woman who has been through hell, bearing the scars that show the struggles that have nearly taken me down with them. However, I have fought the good fight and come out the other side stronger and more confident.
Where Do I Fit?
I am a multifaceted person. I have much depth and width. I have spent years trying to identify where I fit. And now in my life where I operate in numerous varying capacities, I still struggle to figure out where I fit. I am a mom and a spouse. A student and an assistant. I am in my mid-30s and a female. So many various categories, but all wrapped up in one person.
Where Do I Want to Go?
For as long as I can recall, I have been motivated to always aspire to make things just a little bit better. I am all for making slight improvements that will better my life and overall well-being. Where I want to go is forward. I don’t need to take leaps and bounds. Just moving in an advancing motion is what I want. I have no clue where I will end up, but I know that by continuing the motion, I will land exactly where I need to be when I need to be there.
Who Do I Want to Be?
How many times have you been asked what you want to be when you were in your youth. As a child, normally the answer to this question would be a profession. I want to be a teacher, or an executive. Often answers I gave included being a mom, but also wanting to be an executive with a corner office with a view. But today, I want to be stable. Stable mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I want to be balanced and happy.
I am in a place where I am learning to be content with me. To be accepting and loving to the person I am today, precluding judgement and straying away from ridicule. I am not in a place where I thought I would be, but that does not mean that where I am currently is not a better place than where I thought I would end up. Often, I have found in my life, that when I affix a hard expectation to something, I get disappointed if the results are not perfect. I get so focused on what isn’t that I overlook what is. I am learning to be thankful for all things and to look for the good in each and every element of my life and meditate on those things. When I spend time focusing on the positives and the good, my whole life and world seems to be more peaceful and filled with grace.