Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Who Am I?

This blog, an original piece I wrote, was first published on The Bipolar Writer Blog (https://wordpress.com/post/jamesedgarskye.com) a few days ago… I wanted to post the blog to my site as well, as it further delves into who I am as a person and who I aspire to be.

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Whoareyou2Have you ever wondered who you are?  Or been asked, who are you?  Much like the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland asks Alice while blowing smoke rings.  I am in a place where I am wondering who I am, where do I fit, where do I want to go, who do I want to be?

I have had some down time and with said down time, well that’s when I think my big thoughts, the heavy ones the ones that are complex and deep.  This is what I have come up with.

 

Who Am I?

I am a powerhouse, a person of great energy, strength, or power.  A strong, persistent warrior.  A woman who has been through hell, bearing the scars that show the struggles that have nearly taken me down with them.  However, I have fought the good fight and come out the other side stronger and more confident.

 

Where Do I Fit?

I am a multifaceted person.  I have much depth and width.  I have spent years trying to identify where I fit.  And now in my life where I operate in numerous varying capacities, I still struggle to figure out where I fit.  I am a mom and a spouse.  A student and an assistant.  I am in my mid-30s and a female.  So many various categories, but all wrapped up in one person.

 

Where Do I Want to Go?

For as long as I can recall, I have been motivated to always aspire to make things just a little bit better.  I am all for making slight improvements that will better my life and overall well-being.  Where I want to go is forward.  I don’t need to take leaps and bounds.  Just moving in an advancing motion is what I want.  I have no clue where I will end up, but I know that by continuing the motion, I will land exactly where I need to be when I need to be there.

 

Who Do I Want to Be?

How many times have you been asked what you want to be when you were in your youth.  As a child, normally the answer to this question would be a profession.  I want to be a teacher, or an executive.  Often answers I gave included being a mom, but also wanting to be an executive with a corner office with a view.  But today, I want to be stable.  Stable mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I want to be balanced and happy.

 

I am in a place where I am learning to be content with me.  To be accepting and loving to the person I am today, precluding judgement and straying away from ridicule.  I am not in a place where I thought I would be, but that does not mean that where I am currently is not a better place than where I thought I would end up.  Often, I have found in my life, that when I affix a hard expectation to something, I get disappointed if the results are not perfect.  I get so focused on what isn’t that I overlook what is.  I am learning to be thankful for all things and to look for the good in each and every element of my life and meditate on those things.  When I spend time focusing on the positives and the good, my whole life and world seems to be more peaceful and filled with grace.

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