Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Outside My Comfort Zone

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When we venture outside of our comfort zones things can get a little wonky.  We end up existing in uncharted waters, in a field that is foreign to us, on a land that feels weird beneath our toes.  And you know sometimes being out of our comfort zone hurts.  It hurts physically, as you experience pain because you are in a new place that is different and unknown.

I have been working through processing traumatic events that I have experienced during my life.  This process has put me in a place of pain, mentally, emotionally and it feels like even physically.  Although I am being guided by my psychologist, who I trust with my life, it doesn’t mean that the work is easy to bear, or that the burden is light.

It is clear to me that I am outside of my comfort zone.  Processing feelings and experiences that have been hidden down deep within has put me in uncharted waters.  Followed by a change in medications that has been in place over the last month in attempts to quiet the anxiety that was holding my brain hostage and a reduction in a mood stabilizer to help rescue me from a lingering depression.  In addition, I have made changes to my diet to attempt to reduce the amount of sugar and carbohydrates I ingest.  And, I also have restarted an exercise regime in attempts to take better care of my mind and body.  With all these changes, I am being pushed out of my comfort zone and well, it has made me a little bit cranky.

I have a shorter tolerance than normal and trivial things are annoying me:  A line at the grocery store that is moving at snail’s speed, when you wait at a red light only to make it to the line and it’s red once again, the water not quickly boiling on the stove or how easy it is to burn the vegetables that you were attempting to sauté for dinner.  And don’t even get me started on when the political ads come on during my show, that drives me insane.

In attempts to deal with this time that I am spending outside of my normal “zone”, I have been using what I learned in my mindfulness course.  This would be the tried and true art of focusing on my breath.  If I can bring myself back to my center, I can get my brain to clear and my heart to stop thumping so loud.  I can ease the thoughts that are racing through my head and I can calm down.  This may take minutes of telling myself to focus on my breath, to return to my center, to allow those distracting thoughts to pass, but in time, it works.

It is going to take more time, and more energy to work through the events that created my past. And it is not going to be easy.  Plus, I am bound to find myself in a place that doesn’t feel comfortable.  But, I know I am doing what I need to do right now because I am working on healing myself from the inside out.  It will hurt, but through the pain, I will heal.  Healing is what this heart and mind of mine needs.  I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and step in the direction of wellness, knowing that as I am on this path, I may need to take a few steps back to permanently project myself forward.

1 thought on “Outside My Comfort Zone”

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