One night of tossing and turning has me wondering… what’s going on? Was it just one night of uneasy sleep or is there something more going on. Over the last few weeks we have made several modifications to my medication regime and this has me in a much better, more optimistic place, but then in the back of my head I have to wonder if mania is starting to set in.
I am not feeling the “hummingbird” sensation in my legs, as I usually do when the mania is grabbing onto me. But, I am in a very positive place, with an abundance of energy, and this has me wondering, pondering, thinking, dreading.
I am keeping myself from getting frustrated with the scenario. Getting aggravated and worrying about what this could be and what it might be never does much good. It has me extrapolating about something that may be nothing. Uselessly spending time making a mountain out of a mole hole. It is what it is, that’s what I am telling myself. We will keep an eye on it. Focus on what kind of sleep I am getting and if any of my other mania symptoms pop up (grandiose ideas, inability to sit still, unable to think clearly, speed in which I speak, etc…)
I will not think, “oh whoa is me” nor will I get stuck in the “why does this always happen to me?” I will be thankful for each day that I am given. For the health and what stability I have been given and be grateful. I won’t begin to compare myself with others and how I perceive their lives, I will remain focused on my life, and my life alone.
This very well could be a bad night’s sleep coupled with being in a good place after a few months of being down and depressed. Have I forgotten what it feels like to just be in a good mood? Is this just me being in a good place and having life surging through my blood?
Before my brain tries to get me to wonder away, let me pull myself back and ask: What are my positives?
1). I have a wonderful home that protects me from the elements.
2). I have two felines that light up my life and provide me with companionship.
3). I have an abundance of clothes to choose from each day.
I am blessed. I am grateful. I am delighted. Today IS a good day.