I found myself smiling last night. Was it because I was driving in the car that I bought recently that I feel super safe in, perhaps. Or was it because I just finished crafting with my friend, making ornaments for our Christmas trees, possibly. I was heading home to my home, which is my safe place, to be with my spouse, who is my person, probable. But, is it deeper than that? Is it that I am in a good place after weeks, months and years of struggling? Likely.
I have seen an improvement in my overall well being over the last month or two. My doctor and I worked to change around some of my medications to focus on specific symptoms that I was having, and you know what, it worked. A decrease in a mood stabilizer or two, and an increase in my anxiety/depression medication helped do the trick. I am no longer needing a sleep aid at night, and sleeping a full night, and finally starting to feel refreshed in the morning upon waking which is such a blessing.
I have also worked with my other doctors to get my hormones figured out. One may think that this is an easy task, but for me, yeah not so much. I had my hysterectomy this time of the year back in 2014 and we have taken a good amount of time trying to get my levels all balanced out. I don’t want to jinx anything, but I feel like I now have more level levels (if that makes sense) and I am operating on all cylinders after months and years and not operating at full capacity.
Throw in the time that I spent in treatment the middle of last month, learning, challenging myself and resolving trauma and you have a very happy Bella.
My brain likes to try and tempt me into thinking that what I have will be taken away. It’s like something in my mind that tells me that all good things will disappear just as soon as I get used to having them in my life. So I tend to not fully appreciate what I have as in my head, I am convinced that they will be gone in a blink of an eye.
Today, I am going to break this thought process. I am going to embrace this positivity that has infiltrated my life and I am going to enjoy every single ounce of it. Because I can. And because I want to.
I hope that you can find a positive in your day, something to focus on and that will bring you peace in your heart, mind and soul. That you may find yourself in a place like me where you realize that you are simply happy.