It’s that time of the year. The time when there is hustle and bustle, people in constant movement. The need to be in more than one place at one time. A point in the year when to do lists are longer than the naughty and nice lists combined.
This pretty much sums up my life the last few weeks. I have had so much that I have wanted to say, to write, to type but just have not taken the time to sit down and get my thoughts out on paper. I lay down at night and think about all the things that I want to say, all that has happened, all that I have gleaned from the day, but they don’t come to me until I am laying down at night with the single goal to sleep, which has been eluding me.
Preparing for the holidays has meant that I have been working on wrapping up projects at work as well as at home. I have been feeling like I have been “on point” which is a really great feeling. However, there has been this lingering anxiety. Twirling around and around in my head, nearly constantly though. It drains me. All these thoughts of things that could happen, perhaps in a parallel universe, possible, but not likely. I have been using all my strength to muster up the ability to fight off the thoughts, but alas they have proven to be a bit too strong for me.
I started a new medication this weekend. So far, I am noticing that it is affecting my sleep, pretty intensely. However, I am willing to give it two weeks. I will endure the side effects because I am eager to see if it will help the OCD anxiety as well as other symptoms that I am having.
One thing I have learned over the last few years since being diagnosed with Bipolar is that it takes time, at times, to get the right medications into your system and working to the full optimization. Things may be somewhat unpleasant for a period of time but it requires a bit of toughing it out to see if the medication will be what your body needs. The guess and test approach can be frustrating (which is an understatement) but it is what the process is at this point. I have been through far, far worse, and what I am going through in the present is nothing compared to what it was like a few years ago. I will persevere. I will press on. I will keep my head up and I will keep moving forward. Things will get better, but it all takes time. I will be patient, and I will wait for my gift to come.