Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Tidying Up & Setting Boundaries

calligraphy

I have had this desire, drive, need, not sure what the exact word that best describes it, but it’s this inner knowing that I need to get my butt in the garage and go through my belongings and process them into trash, donate and keep piles.  Typically when I get into this mindset it is because I really should be cleaning, and I am really wanting to avoid cleaning my house or putting away the clothes that do fit so I am wanting to “play” with the clothes that don’t fit which are currently located in the garage.

With a very busy weekend nearly over, there were only a few items left on the list and one of those items included garage time for moi.  I chose to, yet again, get dressed all fancy, for no reason in particular (we are going out for dinner tonight with friends tonight, but I chose to get dolled up this morning when me and the little miss were running errands.)  So when it came time to enter the garage, I am in bright red suede shoes and a bright white embroidered sleeveless shirt.  Not at all what you wear to dig through boxes in the garage.  I hope you can see where this is going.  I start to pick through a few boxes, blaring Kacey Musgraves from my phone and singing along.  The little miss is riding the bike that she received for Christmas and it is a beautiful day with temps right around 65*.  The sun is shining although there are clouds in the sky it is still a beautiful day.  And instead of being totally motivated to go through my boxes of clothes that are one and two sizes too small, or the boxes of makeup or old art supplies I am thinking about writing.  I see my beach chair and it hits me.  She can ride her bike and I can sit in my drive way, in the beautiful sunshine and I can write, and she can ride her bike.  Because let’s get real, I am not going through any boxes today, it is just not going to happen.

There are days when I am in the place to throw things away and then there are days when I just can’t do it.  I have a hoard, one that is much smaller than it used to be, mind you, but at a certain point there is no more blood left in the turnip and for me, at this point, this turnip is dry.  I think that it is important to know what our boundaries are.  I am in a place where I am working hard to make a number of changes at once.  I am working to conquer a number of addictions and it is hard.

For example, today we went to Kohl’s so the little miss could make a purchase with a gift card that she received.  Mind you, Kohl’s is the bee’s knees to me. I did look for a pair of pants that I wanted to buy a second pair of, and they were no where to be found (divine intervention??)  I steered clear of the clearance section because I knew that I was not strong enough to fight the temptation to talk myself out of a good deal because I WANTED to shop today, and I had cash on me.  It was a hell of a temptation to be in the store and took a ton of energy to fight said temptations.  So, it was a bit dreamy for me to think that I could go shopping at Kohls, and then run errands on a girl’s day, fighting the temptations to shop, unsupervised, spend no money during my birthday week AND then come home and get rid of my belongings.  That was kind of setting myself up to fail.

Identifying that I was biting off a bit too much today was a big win for me.  Taking some time to practice my calligraphy was enjoyable, much so is the process of writing.  Sitting in my beach chair listening to the cars driving past brings me peace and a sense of calm but is also rejuvenating and I now feel like I am more energized and more capable of getting done the rest of the tasks that I had hoped to accomplish this afternoon.

Saying no, or not today is completely acceptable.  Knowing your inner and outer boundaries is the way we protect ourselves.  Congratulating ourselves for all the things, both little and big, that we accomplish in every moment of the day is essential.  Have you given yourself credit for all you have done for yourself today?

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