The day is nearly over and I have yet to write my weekly babble, golly gee bob willigers, what is going on? I took the day as a personal day and have done very little work today. The family had a few appointments today and with the way they were spaced out it made sense to have the day off from work. And to be honest, I was exhausted and my brain is spent and I needed an extra day. It’s hard to believe that it is in the dinner hour already, my how this day has passed so quickly.
The major part of my day today was my psychiatry appointment. I have been majorly suffering from some super intense, life affecting anxiety and I needed help. I jotted down a few pages of notes about what had transpired over the last three weeks since my last appointment prior to my appointment. I used these notes as talking points, shared them with my doctor and began our discussion. I fought the notion that she was going to question my mental stability and I was 100% honest about how much I have been suffering. It amazes me how a change to my hormone therapy can affect my mental stability in such a grand way. It also quite frankly pisses me off in a huge way. We came up with a plan of using what I call a rescue anxiety medication for the short term. In addition, we are increasing my base mood stabilizer to attempt to get the OCD based anxiety to chill out. I am happy with the game plan, and anxious for it to kick in.
I am tired of suffering. I am tired of all the thoughts running through my head. The beating of my heart in my chest, the shaking of my hands, the sweating of my palms. I long to feel calm and peace in my body once again. I anxiously await for the day when there is a slowness in my body, a lethargy that will be welcomed and greeted with a smile. Perhaps when I see her in two weeks, I can report back that the symptoms have decreased and I feel like I have more of a control over my brain. I am hoping that I will be able to share that I no longer feel like I am losing my mind and fearing for the thoughts that are ruminating, spinning, tossing about without my control.
I must admit that words are not coming to me with ease and I am having trouble writing today. My brain is foggy from the rescue anxiety medication. My spelling is horrible (what would we do without spellcheck?) and my thoughts are all jumbled. I am relieved that it is the end of the week and the end of the day. My weekend plans do not involve anything where I need to do much thinking and this brings a sigh of relief for me. I can allow the medication to begin to work and my body to begin to calm with little to no additional stress. I have the support and love of my family and for that I am incredibly grateful. Their care means so very much to me and I feel eternally blessed.
This will be a short blog, due to my lack of mental capacity. As sometimes, babbles dry up, won’t my mother be oh so surprised.