I take my medication at night.
Its part of my routine.
I open the glass cabinet door and I take a deep breath.
I start from the far right of the shelf and I work my way down. One pill onto the next. Take two then a sip of water. Another two, then another sip of water. I keep going until I finish with the first shelf. I progress to the second shelf and complete the medication in the same method, two pills and a sip of water. When all the medication is done, I move to the supplements.
I save the supplements until last because quite frankly, there are days when I just can’t bear to take any more pills. There are just too many some days and I can’t take any more, so I skip the supplements (this is approved by my psychiatrist).
I know that I need to take my medication and that is why I take them, every day, as prescribed.
It is deeply implanted in my head that I need my medication and that it has granted me a much better and a far more stable life. However, I do get quite frustrated that I have to take medication each and every night, and that I have to take oh so many pills on a daily basis.
There are times when my brain ventures and I think about the cold hard facts that I will be on medication for the rest of my life, and that this routine, of taking the medication two by two, much like the animals boarding Noah’s ark, is not short lived and will not come to an end in the short term. This will be the case, for the foreseeable future. This is my life.
This can overwhelm me if I let it. I remind myself that if I had an illness that was life threatening and needed to take a medication to live, would I do it? And of course, the answer is yes, I would take the medication. In reality, the medication I take provides me with a good life, an enjoyable life, a sustainable life. The last three years since being diagnosed have been challenging, but, they have been years that have granted me immense hope, and I have been able to enjoy some of my greatest memories over this short period of time. The time I have been given during this period, the joy that has been given to me, and how it has blessed me with calmness and stability, all while through the gift of the medication.
Tonight, when I open the mirrored cabinet door, I will take a breath.
I will start from the right and before I start with the two by two, I will say a prayer of gratitude for the little gifts that sit before me. I will mentally express my thanks for what they bring to my life and how they have bettered my overall well-being.