It was a mere weeks ago that I was having problems with leaving the house due to the high levels of anxiety that was looping through my head. The fears of what could happen and what would I do if X and Y would happen, made it more than just a struggle to step out the front door, turn around and lock the door and head to my car and leave my place of safety. However, with the increase in therapy and medication, I have been doing better and the vicious teeth that were devouring the membrane of my mind have chosen to dislodge their fangs, thus life has been a bit more livable, and even somewhat enjoyable.
Over the weekend, my family attended an outdoor music festival a few towns over at an amphitheater. Two of our favorite local bands were playing (Bear Ghost and Banana Gun) and then there were other bands playing as well and we were totally open to hearing new music as you never know what gem you may find.
It was a bit cold, in the 50’s, and with it being an outdoor venue, we were subject to the “wintry” weather. I chose to wear layers to the event and brought a jacket even, but alas as the sun set over the dome of the amphitheater, the chill set in my bones and my toes turned into those sausages that you buy in the small rectangular boxes in the freezer sections of your local grocer. You would never know that I lived the majority of my life on the east coast where there is snow, because I can not seem to temper the “cold” weather these days.
As I was sitting on the cement step, with my teeth chattering, my mind was wondering about my safety in the amphitheater as I was surrounded my strangers dancing about to the amazing music that was being played. I continued to tell myself that I was safe and that I would be fine. And then much to my surprise, Batman shows up. Yes, you read that correctly. A person in full Batman gear arrived and stood some 50 feet directly behind me with their hands on their hips in true Batman fashion looking on and above the crowd. I guess I was supposed to feel safe, but this completely weirded me out and I ducked for cover at the feet of my partner nearly spilling my cup of hot tea, the one thing that was keeping me warm.
I was safe. The whole time. With Batman and without Batman, I was safe. I did not even talk to a stranger, it was phenomenal. My family had an exciting time and the music performed by the two bands I went to see was probably the best that I have ever heard them perform. But the biggest score of that day was that I went to the show. I fought through the irrational fears that popped up, I did not succumb to the anxiety that wanted me to think that 1,000 different scenarios could happen. I was able to override the worst case scenarios that streamed through my head like a black and white movie and still enjoy the day.
I marvel at the combination of the magic of therapy and medication and how for me, they work to bring me peace in my mind and my soul. Saturday was a win and this makes me smile today, it made me smile on Saturday (minus when I was hiding from Batman) and it brings me joy today.