I sit and I wait.
I wait for the phone to ring, or to receive the notification of a text message.
I’ve been fine all day, keeping myself busy doing this and that, rainy day projects that never seemed important until today. There was never a desire to buckle down and concentrate and bulldoze my way through the task to full, 100% completion until today.
Today is not a magical day, it is the day my friend is in surgery. She is all the way over there and I am here. I am waiting, oh so patiently, to hear that she is fine. To get the notification that they got the cancer and that she will be on her way to healing over the next few weeks. But there has not been a phone call, nor has there been a text and now my mind’s starting to swirl.
The thoughts are twirling around in my head wondering what is going on.
Is the surgery still going on? Is it worse than they thought?
Maybe the family just misplaced my phone number? Yeah, that’s it, just a misplaced phone number, that HAS to be it. I won’t let myself think that it is anything else.
She is not just a friend, but like a motherly friend, a mentor, a compadre, a partner in crime. A person who was always there when I needed her. Whether it was first thing in the morning, or late at night in the pouring rain on the night I was leaving Maryland to move across the country and my car battery was dead and I was in dire need of assistance with my cat in the car and tired as can be.
We went on adventures, we had nights out. We were co-workers at first and became friends and now some ten years later are still that.
Today my heart is hurting. I am missing my friend. I am wanting to be with her and not wanting to be here, sitting at my desk, wandering what is going on, feeling like I am in the dark, having no clue as to what is going on, only being able to focus on the positive and lift up prayers that all is well. All is well, with her soul and my soul and her family’s soul.
Oh I get so frustrated that I can’t do more. I feel so incredibly powerless. I tend to be a doer and to be in a place where I can’t “do” and I just must sit and be still, it kills me deep to my core. I focus on my breath, but my thoughts are pulled away to her, to her face and her laugh, her scrunched up nose and wavy hair.
So, I sit and I wait.
I wait for the phone to ring, or to receive the notification of a text message, to hear that she is fine.