Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Getting to the Bottom Line

woman wearing black pants
Photo by Madison Inouye on

Over the last few months I have been dealing with this bothersome anxiety that just wont go away.  It is increasingly getting worse, or so it seems, not sure if it is getting worse or my tolerance is decreasing, or a combination of both.  Trying to pinpoint the nature of the onset of this monster has been challenging but I believe that I have figured it out, and it was a little bit surprising for me.

I saw the doctor today, not my normal doctors (psychiatrist or psychologist) but the fancy lady doctor (gynecologist) and thankfully I got to keep my clothes on.  We talked about my symptoms (I wrote her a nice little novel) and I pleaded for help.  We discussed how based on my last blood work that was taken in January showed that my testosterone was high and my estrogen was low (for me) and this combination could very well be the source of the anxiety that I have been experiencing.

After we talked about what few options I have left in regards to receiving my hormones, we settled on estrogen through a patch (dear Jesus, please let me skin handle the patch) and cream for the testosterone, effective immediately.  This combination should be better suited for me because we will be able to adjust them separately as that should be better for my body.  Naturally I produce or absorb testosterone more easily (still trying to figure that one out) and I don’t produce or absorb estrogen as well.  Overall, the past has shown me, that I function better on a higher level of estrogen so I really need to get my numbers higher so my quality of life improves and hopefully this anxiety will dissipate.  The past has also shown me that I do not absorb hormones through oral medication, and the pellet form makes me go on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Since being off the pellets, I have had minimal, like I can’t recall when I had my last manic episode (knock on wood).

I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, but there is a light inside of me that is flickering, not too bright, but bright enough that I can see it and I can feel it’s warmth.  I am happy that my psychiatrist pushed me to see my GYN.  I am also thrilled that I called my regular pharmacy and they have the new estrogen patches in stock, the script is filled, it’s already ready for my pick up and the co-pay won’t break my piggy bank, so I am able to start with the new medication as soon as I get home.

I need to keep myself from getting hung up on the complexity of my health, and instead focus on how I am so blessed to have such amazing doctors that are within my circle of care.  I mean, to be playful, I just remind myself that I am in the process of a little cha cha dance, a few steps back, but then a few steps forward, all while shaking my bum… gotta love it.

2 thoughts on “Getting to the Bottom Line”

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