It’s baseball season, or so I have heard. I am not the biggest fan of watching baseball, but I do like to play. Although I am not very good. I swing and I miss. I run and I am not fast enough. I try and catch the ball and I hide because I am afraid the ball will hit my face and break my nose. But I do have fun. As an adult I played on a softball team off and on for several seasons and thoroughly enjoyed the time until I had my right ulnar nerve (my “funny bone”) moved (transposition) and never got back in the game. I have been on the injured list permanently since 2012.
Today I am thinking about baseball in regard to hitting the ball and rounding the bases. This morning, I hit the ball, lofted it out to the very outskirts of the outfit, and started running the bases. Made it to first with no problem, rounded second and when I was headed to third, I collided with the shortstop and ate dirt, was tagged out and had to pick myself up and do the walk of shame back to the dugout.
As I mentioned earlier, I have been on the IR (Injured Reserve) since my surgery in 2012, so I clearly was not actually out in the Arizona heat today playing baseball. But I was attempting to live out my Wednesday and it didn’t work out as I had planned.
Wednesdays are my therapy days. I woke up and I felt it, deep in me that today was going to be a struggle, the depression has settled into my body. But I put my game face on, picked out a cute outfit, did my hair and makeup and made the best of my morning. I made it to therapy a few minutes early and used the time to gather my thoughts about what I wanted to discuss. But I struggled as my brain was filled with bad data and I was struggling to concentrate. During my session I shared how I was feeling lethargic, unmotivated and my body felt “heavy”. I was struggling even to pay attention in therapy, I ended up crying and shared that I really wanted to go home, feeling that I needed a mental health day.
I had meetings planned for this afternoon. I was supposed to get lunch for the office. I had work to do. Now was not the time to take a break. I felt that I should power through and be strong and just keep on going, but today I felt different and felt that I really needed to have some bench time.
I chose to contact my boss and request for the afternoon off. I spoke up for my need, explained I was not feeling my best and needed some down time. He granted me the time off that I requested. The meeting was rescheduled for another day. I am assuming that my co-workers found another way to get lunch.
While at home I used my time to engage in self-care activities. I spoke with people that were able to provide me with support. I crafted and prepared for a class that I will be co-leading tomorrow. I nourished my body through food and rest.
In the beginning of this post I mentioned that I felt that I was running the bases and collided with the short stop, ate dirt and did a walk of shame. But now that I think about it, I feel like I actually hit a home run. I spoke up for my needs, and I took care of myself the way that I would encourage a loved one to do. Some days we play a really exceptional game, some days we don’t. Then there are times when we have a good hit, a great in field play or maybe just a above par catch. I am finding that the more I applaud myself for the good work that I do, even the small things, the better it makes me feel.
I hope that you are able to take time today to give yourself credit for the effort and energy that you are putting into the game that you are playing.