Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Patience, the virtuous thing


How many times have you been told that patience is a virtue?  I have personally lost count.  Just so I clearly understood what a virtue was I looked it up (just love that I no longer have to pull out an actual dictionary and can go online, what an ingenious invention, but I digress…) and virtue is a noun that is defined as “behavior showing high moral standards.”

So, being patience is a behavior that shows having high moral standards… it’s a no wonder that it is something that is so hard to capture and hold onto, at least it is for me.  Today, I am a far more patient person than I used to be, but I still have quite a way to go.

One thing that has me a bit impatient right now is the growing out of my hair.  See, nearly a year ago, I was in a place of mania (much like now) and I had this great idea that I would cut all my hair off into a pixie cut because my hair is just “horrible and sooo damaged and I just can’t stand it, what else can I possibly do?” and then within days or minutes, I regret it.  And if you have never had a pixie cut, let me tell you, the growing out process is pretty horrid.  It takes a while (especially when you get it “trimmed” every 6-8 weeks) and the way it grows out is just unbearable.

I decided that I would take hair, skin and nails vitamins (approved by my doctors) and thinking that would speed up the process.  And boy has it!  It also has assisted in the growth of hair on my legs and my arms too.  So my hair on my head is growing along with everywhere else so I am basically turning into a werewolf.  It’s been quite the transformation.  Thanks goodness there are not too many full moons because all that howling at the moon leaves me tired and suffering from a sore throat from all that yowling! ~  I am joking, but only kind of sort of…. 😉

I started another medication on Monday, a lower dose and different formulation to help with the original issue of depression, but the change was needed due to the other formulation causing me to head into mania.  This new medication has brought me down, but a little too far.  Come 2 pm, I am looking for a delightful place to curl up under my desk to take a nappy poo and my body just crashes.  Last night at dinner I was having trouble keeping my eyes open while attempting to shovel food into my face, with the sole desire to lay back down on the couch and catch some shut eye.  So this new relationship may not work out, and we may need some counseling and talk about some changes that will need to take place if we are going to stick it out and stay committed to one another.

I am trying to sum up as much patience as I have in my reservoir to get me over this hump.  To get through the superficial issues related to the growing out of my hair, and then the real, serious issues of my medications and how it is affecting me on a day to day basis.  I don’t believe high moral standards have much to do with it, but just perseverance and putting one foot in front of the other and plugging along, telling myself that I will get through this and each day will get better, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is most likely not a freight train.

Patience is important.  A virtue, I don’t think so.  Perseverance and persistence along with resilience, those are the things that get me through the thick and deep mud that weighs my boots down.  Keep on trudging through your muck…  You are doing what you need to, in order to get where you need to be.  Remember that it IS temporary and give yourself credit for how far you have come.

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