Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Bella’s Babbles Friday Edition 05/17/2019

It feels like it has been a journey this week to get to Friday.  Each day of the week, I have been in a different place mentally and emotionally leading to an extremely exhausting week.  I am beyond relieved that the week is at its closure so I can decompress and prepare for a new week.

Creativity

Each evening this week, I have used the manic energy to paint.  Most of what I have painted has been abstract inspired art.  I have been using techniques that I plan to teach in a class that I will lead in June.  Originally, I wanted to create one (1) piece as an example piece for the class.  But one led to two, which led to three.  Each piece is different.  They consist of different shapes and colors.  And their “voices” are different.

In addition, in July I am teaching a class where I am instructing participants how to paint sunflowers, so you guessed it, I had to paint a sample for that class too.  That specific piece, the sunflower art, totally captured what I was feeling that day, the brightness, the light, the peace, the vividness.

Every night I sat down to paint, whether in the throws of so much mania that I could literally feel it vibing through my body like bolts of lightning or sitting in puddles of depression that was being poured over me like a cup of water, I felt peace deep in my soul.  Each brush stroke was a stroke of my feelings, my thoughts, angst, sadness and fear.  The colors I chose, or that chose me, were those that spoke to how my heart felt sadness, anger, heartbreak.

This week, I worked slowly to come down from the mania, and back up from the depression as I went through the rapid cycling process.  I turned to art to heal me.  This process kept me from being destructive.  It was such a beautiful way for me to heal.

Perseverance

Back in 2007, I was told that I would never amount to anything.  I was told that I would fail at anything that I attempted to do.  I was told that I could do nothing.

These were words that were said in anger and in hurt.  I also believe that they were said in fear.  Needless to say these words, and many other words that I will not repeat and words that I cannot forget, hurt me.

Over the last six months to a year, I have worked very hard to make strides in my healing.  I have made progress.  I still have ups and downs.  This is in regard to my mental health, but also to my personal and to my work relationships.  But overall, I have moved forward and am farther ahead of where I was when I compare where I was on this day a year ago, and especially where I was 12 years ago.

It has been heavy on my heart to share that it IS possible to progress past what others have said you can and can’t do or will or won’t achieve.  It may take longer than you hope, but you will get to what you set your heart on.

I have made goals for my personal life, for my relationships and for my work world and not all my goals have been achieved but I have made progress towards several of the goals, slowly, but I am getting there.

The other day I was looking at my business card and I was smiling, my quirky, scrunched up nose smile, and I almost cried.  I was thinking, I have a business card, how fricking cool is that.  Lots of people have business cards, but one of my goals one day was to have a business card, and I achieved it, and it just made my day that day to acknowledge that I had made my goal.

 

You can do all things.

Do not let the voices in your head, whether they be your voices, or the voices of others, tell you any different.

You can achieve your goals.

I believe in you.

You are amazing.

You can move mountains.

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