Although I have been known to have quite the sailor’s mouth, today this is not the case. The what in the F that I am referring to, is Fibromyalgia, that nasty disorder, disease, ailment, that plagues millions, and makes you feel like total poop for no reason in particular, out of the blue and ruins your day(s).
And this is what happened to me, and I just wanted to curl up in bed, call my mommy and cry. Every ounce of me hurt. The tips of my toes felt like I stubbed every toe. The shafts of my toes and fingers felt like I was having nails drilled into them. I felt like the mob had broken my kneecaps and elbows due to an unpaid past debt. My legs felt like I had been growing non-stop for months, yet I never moved past the 5’7.5” on the measuring stick. I hurt, all over, and I was exhausted. And the baloney sandwich of the whole thing, is that there is really nothing that I can take to make the pain go away. Motrin does nothing, a hot bath helps, but only for the time that I am actually in the bath. If I can get myself to fall asleep, I get relief, but I can’t sleep all day long you know?
It’s been an extended amount of time since I have had Fibromyalgia issues. Which I count as being a blessing. I recall the days when I spent day in and day out in pain, never ending, never ceasing, just non-stop pain, pain, pain. It was horrific. It was exhausting. It was excruciating. I feel so happy that I am not in a place like that anymore. I forgot (I guess like people say about childbirth?!?) how bad the pain is, what a gift that my brain lets me forget the horrors.
By Sunday, the pain had subsided, some pain lingered, but nothing compared to what was present on Friday and Saturday. I was reminded that I am given as much as I can handle. The Bipolar is somewhat under control at this point and time, I am in a place of balance, and feeling pretty OK. I am not skiing from one pole to another but have settled nicely into a good place of operation. It would be absolutely horrible to be in a place of depression or mania AND to have physical pain in addition to the mental anguish. I feel blessed to know that I am given what I can temper in doses, like little bit size cupcakes, or Spoonfuls of peas (I absolutely hate peas, but sometimes, you just need to eat them, and I will just hold my nose and make a face and bear through the horrible taste).
I have been making changes to my diet in efforts to improve my overall wellbeing. It could very well be that these changes, and the addition of doctor approved supplements, could have been a bit much for my sensitive system, and the Fibromyalgia flare was my bodies way of throwing a temper tantrum.
And like any child that throws a temper tantrum, I spent some time ignoring the antics, spent some time powering through and then eventually I gave in and took a little nap.
As the week is set before us, I am hoping that the fibro flare is over. However, I am prepared if it is not and have tools in my tool kit to handle the symptoms should it raise its ugly head once again and try and destroy me from the inside out.
All day on Saturday, I kept reminding myself to press on regardless. My motto, it’s been for years, since my struggles as a teen, and through today, just keep pressing on. No matter what comes across your path, you just keep pressing on.