Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow (again)


This morning was rough, I was totally dragging butt.  I found it nearly impossible to function.  I felt heavy, lethargic, in capable to move and words can not begin to describe how I struggled to think.  But, I fought through it.

I chose a “get out of jail free card” and worked from home in the morning since I did not feel like driving was the best thing in the world for me to do.  Operating my laptop was dangerous enough, let alone getting behind a wheel.  I was able to get done my morning tasks and then get myself ready and while all this happened the medication fog started to wear off and I felt less like eating brains and more like a human.  One who was eventually was ready to start on my way to the office and to participate in my meetings for the day.

After a few hours I realized I was missing something.  And that something was the buzzing that I had been suffering with in my legs for more than a month.  I refer to the sensation as “butterflies” but I am sure there is some kind of a real medical term that has a bout 13 letters and a few z’s and k’s, but for me, it’s butterflies.  Well, they left and I could be still.  This made my eyes well up with tears, tears of happiness and joy.

I am not sure how I can begin to describe what it feels like to be able to be still after feeling the absolute need to move for the last month or more.  To sit and be still today was such an amazing gift and I enjoyed every second of it.  Mentally, I could not gather the words that I wanted to think about how it made me feel because I was so dopey from the medication, but I will not take for granted the gift that I have been given.

This is the start of the journey of wellness.  I am praying that it will be a consistent, but gradual progression into a place of stability and balance.  In the back of my mind, I fear that there may be a dip into the depression on the horizon, as they usually come after experiencing stints with mania, but I am going to send all the positive energy I can muster to embrace a positive energy to surround me while I go through this healing of my mind and body.

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