Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Bella’s Babbles: Saturday Edition 06/22/19

sky red rubber balloon
Photo by Tookapic on

Up, Up and Away… no I am not a balloon, but on an airplane at the present moment in aisle seven.  We had a 6 AM flight, yes, you read that correctly, and no I did not know that they had flights that early either, but they do and there are people crazy enough to fly on them and now I am one of those people.

We are traveling to the Pacific Northwest for a trip to see family and to get out of the desert (and for me to give my anxiety a run for its money!)  Our family thoroughly enjoys the PAC NW and I have a feeling that the week will go by quickly and it will be a fun time… that I will be back to my baby kitties before I know it, and that all my pre-traveling stress will have been for nothing.

Flamingo Frosting

One thing I noticed when I frost cakes and cupcakes is that I stand with my one leg on my upper leg like a flamingo.  I haven’t a clue why I do this, not sure if it is a calming thing or what, but I caught myself doing it the other week and it made me laugh.  Although I am not the most graceful person in the world, I am actually quite sturdy when I stand like this and am able to perform quite the most articulate work.  Just a little silly something I wanted to share.

What I’ve Gained

In attempts to balance out my hormones, even though I have no lady parts or pieces, I started back on birth control.  And much to my surprise, within a few days the agonizing and detrimental anxiety and life altering OCD started to subside.  It’s like these little hormone pills are magic!  Also like magic I gained another 3-5 pounds.  This was not so much of a welcome addition to my already rounder than I’d like frame, but I just keep reminding myself that the status of my brain and the quality of my life is so much more important than the size of my pants or the number on the scale.

Traveling Anxiety

Along with a number of other anxieties, traveling anxieties have come on board over the last number of years.  I used to travel with ease, jetting here and there for work with no problem, but these days, leaving the house for a night, a weekend, or holy moly a week, and I need extra therapy sessions and some rescue anxiety pills to help get me through the event.

I dread leaving the house and my little baby monkeys (my precious, darling, baby kitties), that’s a huge part of it.  And then there’s the packing part.  Picking out outfits, the fear of forgetting something.  And did I mention packing ALL of my medication?  That’s a stressor right there.  Do I have enough medication for the length of time I will be away, do I need a refill? There’s also the change in the routine, using public restrooms, not sleeping in my own bed, staying in a hotel… so many things that just freak me out.

But, my family (for the most part) enjoys traveling and getting away and going on adventures, so I am being a big brave dog and I am joining them because I love them, and I want to create memories with them.


It’s been another challenging week, but it was productive, and I worked hard to get back into my groove, working extremely hard to get as much accomplished as possible, because that’s how I roll and because of my vacation that seemed to quickly approach.


My goal this week is to try and be in the moment.  That when my brain jumps back to past events and traumas that I pull it to the present.  Much like when it goes to the past, when my brain jumps to the future, I will pull it back to the present and be in the moment.

I want to enjoy this vacation.  To be present in my mind and body.  I do not want to allow the anxiety and fear of the what coulds to destroy what is actually happening.  And I don’t want to miss out on what’s happening because I am stuck in my head.

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