Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Bella’s Babbles: Sunday 7/7/2019

No photo description available.I’ve been up since 430 AM, it’s the new witching hour for me.  Even my cats look at me like I have lost my mind.  Sure they are ecstatic that someone is up and willing to give them more food, but after 15 minutes or so, the fan fare has worn off and they wander away and I am left alone.

But now, yes there is a but, I have a fancy dancy, office/craft room, that I can retreat to, that is cozy and welcoming, and it is the perfect balance of organized chaos that makes me feel perfectly at home.  Plus, it is ultimately welcoming at 430 AM.

Today’s plan WAS to try and go back to bed on the couch, but much to my surprise there was a child already on the couch, so then I figured it was divine intervention that I would stay awake.  Plus there were things to tell my mama who lives back east and art projects to finish.  Plus I had a sneaky suspicion that a friend of mine would also be up and I would be able to chat with her for a bit as well.

So, that’s exactly what happened.  Coffee was made, art projects were finished.  Friends and Mama’s were talked to.  Orders were placed for give back projects for Non-Profit Organizations and cats wandered away and put themselves back to bed.

Today

This day, July 7, is a special day in my house.  It is the day that I went on my very first date with my partner.  Today we celebrate being together for 10 years.  As I have already written a blog about it, I wont prattle on too much, but I did want to mention this event as it is one that is very important to me.  We have been through much muchness, both greatness and crapness, and we have emerged stronger as result.  I did not know that it was possible to love a person more each day, but as I sit here and I write, I have to wonder if it isn’t just love that grows each day but respect and admiration.  He is my person, the icing to my cupcake, and I feel it deep in my bones that I made a move across the country ten years ago to find him, and I am beyond grateful that I was given the opportunity to take that leap of faith, because the gifts that I have received and the ones that I continue to receive humble me.

Art

Image may contain: flower and plantYesterday my family saw a movie.  Some superhero, spiders, webs, swinging from buildings movie.  I chose to stay home.  I am not a movie person, and especially not a movie theater person person.  Too loud, too many people, when was the last time they wiped down the seats wondering type of person.  So I moseyed off to Michaels and I found that they were having a sale on the quality canvases, buy one, get TWO free, and I was like hot damn skippy with a macaroni in my cap, yankee doodle spank my mama on her hat.  I was thrilled.  I purchased three assorted sizes and I came home to start my project.  It would be a combination of a rendition of Starry Night by Van Gogh with paper butterflies glued in to make it a 3D multimedia piece.  It came to me, like a light bolt out of the sky, while I was drinking coffee earlier that morning and I HAD to create it.  This would probably be one of my more challenging pieces, but it was so clear in my head as to how it would turn out, I had to try.  I was intimidated and I was scared.

I lit my Cactus Blossom Candle, I played my classical studying music (Debussy being my favorite, love those deep minor chords, they have always taken me to my most creative places), and I started.  I had my Starry Night print in front of me for inspiration and I went one stroke at a time.

Hours passed.  And with each brush stroke I gave myself permission to let little pieces of the anxiety that has been crippling me go.  I let the music soothe my heart, my soul, my body and my mind.  I allowed my body and mind to be present.  I allowed me to take in being in my new craft room and soaking in the gift that was the craft room and how much love was given to me in this very room.  A room that was given to me so I could heal through me art.

Before I knew it, I was done.  And I wept.  I looked down at my piece and I was thrilled with the product, the creation, the dare I say, the masterpiece that I had created.  It was exactly, identical, to what I had seen in my mind, and I had created it onto canvas using several types of media.  The tears were of happiness, of joy, relief, of sadness.  Hope for the future.

 

This weekend I needed to spend time resting.  Those were doctor orders.  I have another busy week ahead of me, many doctor appointments, a busy work week, family obligations.  But, my soul, my soul, it is well, it is well with me soul.

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