Although I was editor in chief (EIC) of my high school newspaper, I have never had the greatest copy writing skills. When I was the EIC, my copy writer was amazing and incredibly skilled. As result, the product that we printed, the quality of the words on the paper, were the result of her magic and expertise and were perfection.
I have always enjoyed writing. My mom put together a life book for me years ago and gave it to me in my early twenties. It was a wonderful gift with page after page of my accomplishments and much of those included writing. Mom has often said that I have been babbling since I left the womb.
Recently, after a game of Scattegories where I incorrectly identified where the diaphragm was located, I had a conversation with my spouse about how my brain has turned to mush. Now, that’s quite a stretch, but I don’t feel like I have the academic intelligence that I had when I was in high school some 15-20 years ago, nor when I started college 10-15 years ago (I am on the lifetime achievement college attendance program at this point, five classes left, but it’s always that last 10/15% that’s the hardest to complete). My ability to process data mentally and retain the information is, well, crap, on a good day, academically speaking.
Circling back around to copy writing. When I write my blogs, I write, then I edit, then I write, then I edit, I take a step back and I edit again, I put it on the platform, and I edit again. And there’s STILL glaring errors. With love, my close family members contact me and share with me the mishaps and some days I get pissed, not at them, but at the inaccuracies. I think, “How did I miss that?” … “How did I write faster than a speeding building when I clearly meant to write bullet?” I mean buildings are not fast, they both do start with the letter “b” and have a similar number of letters, but still, what the hell Michelle?
Similarly, the other day my daughter and I were at the local Target (the most wonderful place on earth) and we stopped at the Starbucks because Mama needed a jolt of bean juice, and I asked her if she needed anything from the post office. She looked at me like I had 14 heads, as well she should, because what in the helicopter mom shoes was, I talking about? And I went on said, you know like socks or underwear or anything. If I remember correctly, she just stared at me. But the reason I am sharing the story is to say that weird things come out of my mouth. And it makes me question my intelligence and it also makes me mourn the intelligence that I used to have and what I have perceivably lost.
What further complicates matters is the source of the loss. Is the mush brain from the mood stabilizers and anti-depressants or is it from the hormone imbalance aka menopause brain? For me, I like to know what is causing the problem, because not sure if it has come across as such, but I am a fixer! And when there is a problem, I like to figure it out and I like to fix it.
I’d like to get my brain back. Long are the days of Michelle saying the wrong word and it being cute or silly. It just lame and annoying now. My mental stability is of the upmost importance, and I have been able, for the most part, to accept a 30 pound weight gain, my hair changing, my skin changing, etc.… as result of medications, but I am losing patience at this point with the functionality of my brain. I am planning to fiercely focus on getting my hormones on track because I personally feel that if I can obtain balance there, I will have a solid foundation, and all my little duckies will begin to file into place.
Thank you for reading. For following through the bouncing around, the incorrect grammar, and the flat-out wrong words that I, at times, end up using. Blogging has turned into something that I absolutely enjoy and is such a healthy outlet for me. It brings me joy and helps me process my thoughts as jumbled as they may be.
May your day be blessed, and may it be exactly what you need it to be.