Friday slid into Saturday that jumped into Sunday which I slept through waking up far too early into Monday. Have you ever had days like those, where one melted into the other? It was a great weekend, but here it is nearly halfway through Monday and I am still fighting off the sleep monsters.
It was a busy Friday, and an adventurous Saturday, a somewhat lazy Sunday and before I knew it Monday morning was here and I was like what the hello, I am not ready for this, can I get a mulligan on Sunday, pppplease?
Shopping in a new Section
“I am sorry ma’am we don’t carry what you want in your “new” size”
What? Excuse me? What do you mean I can’t have what I want? Do you not know who I am? I always get what I want. I am who I am, and therefore I always get what I want when I want it and that is just the way that it is.
These were the thoughts that went through my head when I was in the “Secret” store where things are expensive and pink and I was back, yet again, because I had gained weight and “things” were no longer fitting.
They have what I want. In prices I don’t like to pay, but when I pay the price, it is for items that are high quality, that are good quality fabric, in the style that I like and don’t stab me and are comfortable to wear every day, and they last when they accidentally go through the wash every once and a blue moon because I forget that they are delicates and need to be washed in the sink.
However, never, have I been told, that I was not able to have what I wanted, in my size, because I was always a size that fell within a more petite range and yeah, no was never part of the vocabulary. Never have items had to be special ordered. And never did I have to settle for the ugly colors, nor did I have to spend 20 minutes DIGGING to find my size. This was an eye-opening experience. And I believe that we will be discussing it in therapy, and it will be part of my motivation to get over my germ phobia at the gym, because yeah, I don’t like being told no.
Climbing Up Hill
Saturday mid-morning I found myself in a comparable situation when I went up north in the forest town to go hiking to celebrate my spouse’s birthday and I thought I was having a heart attack. Hiking was HARD. Every step I took felt like someone was holding onto my lungs, in a way that it felt that I had a diminished capacity to breathe and I thought I was going to keel over. When did hiking get so hard? When did I get so out of shape? What the hell? It was in the 80’s so it was not THAT hot, there was moderate cloud cover and a slight breeze, so it was decent condition, but here I am feeling like I have cement in my boots. I was thinking I may not make it back home alive. We had a full day of activities planned, with the hike being the first part, and I may die right here on the trail, along the flowers and the rocks, not yet making it to the alpine trees, my baby kitties never getting a chance to really say goodbye to their mama.
So inside my head there was a lot of beating up going on. A lot of why do the meds cause weight gain, why have I gained so much weight, why do I have such issues with germs, why is it so hard to lose weight, why do I lack motivation? Yadda yadda yadda …
We ended up hiking I think nearly 4.5 miles roundtrip, which was decent. We were at a much higher elevation than when we are home which is one of the reasons that I was having such an issue with my breathing, but I think that being out of shape is a component as well.
I have 184 days until my next birthday and it’s a big one. There are some goals that I plan to achieve within the next 5 months and will write more about that later, but losing weight, getting in shape, and getting to a better place mentally, are all included.
Will write soon… XOXO Bella~