Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

The Gifts We Receive

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The end of July signifies the ending of summer, although where I reside, I will have another two months of heat and summer like weather and temperatures.  The beginning of August is a wonderful transition to a new month, a step closer to the fall, and a break in the weather and cooler days.  August is also when school starts back up for most of the students.  It’s a time of renewing, a time of change.

I am not sure who is more nervous this year, me or my children.  Both will be in high school, one entering their senior year, one starting their freshman year.  And I am sitting here going, what the hell happened, how did we get here so quickly.  How did ten years zoom by?  Where did the littles go that I met all those years ago go?  And I guess right along with those questions is where did these age spots and wrinkles come from?

 

I have a number of friends and family members who are in various places in their lives.  Some have children of varying ages, and some do not.  We are all going through different things in our lives.  Overcoming different obstacles, having different things taking over our worlds and doing the best that we can to handle it with the tools that we have to assist us.

While attempting to help support a friend, I started to respond to a post and I just started to babble.  What I was trying to say is that there are gifts in all phases of our lives.  In the time that we do not have children, perhaps when we just have pets, there are specific gifts that we are given.  During the time that we are preparing to have children and are going through pregnancy, another set of gifts.  The year post pregnancy and through sleepless nights of infancy, still more gifts.  The toddler years and the struggles with both parents and children learning boundaries, and then as the children progress each year after that, whole distinct set of gifts.  We arrive to the teenage years and we kind of regress back to toddler years, but add in hormone monsters and driving vehicles, sex and temptations to experiment with drugs and alcohol, breaking curfew etc, and yet, still different gifts.

In every section there are gifts that accompany the challenging and trying times.  I miss the nights when Papa would read to us all every night before bed.  I am not sure who enjoyed it more, him, me or the kids.  Or when the kids would play and they would laugh, that would make my heart fill with such joy.  Going shopping to find the ingredients for a surprise birthday cake, making the cake and decorating it.  Making a giant mess, the laughing, the giggling, the letting the kids design the cake, it was glorious.

Now, on a Saturday morning, I wake up to my daughter making muffins for the family.  My son has done the dishes and has completed his own laundry.  They are so self-sufficient.  They sit with me while I am having coffee, ask after me and ensure I am ok, much like I used to do after they woke up years prior.

It is impossible to slow down time.  But it is possible, to enjoy the time that we have to the fullest.  To take the moments that we have and celebrate them.  If that means walking like a duck through the store (oh brother how I miss you) or just soaking in the moment and being there as fully as you can be in each moment, that’s what you may need to do.

I get lost in my head a lot.  But I miss out on a lot as result.  I am running out of time.  This time next year one will be in college and I will have half an empty nest, and I am not sure what this mama bird will do.  But for now, I will enjoy what I have and take the gifts that I have, I will treasure them with my whole heart and golly gee, I will love them.

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