Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Fight Like a Girl

beautiful blue eyes close up dhyamis kleber
Photo by Dhyamis Kleber on

Often times in life we receive news that’s not what we were expecting.  And we have to figure out ways to deal with the news that we received and process the disappointment that may be associated with the fact we did not hear what we were expecting to hear.

There are times where I am so incredibly certain of something, and then, I am in shock when I get the test results and I am just plain wrong.  I literally drop my jaw and go wide eyed in disbelief.

Last night was no different.  After a glorious and productive day filled with cleaning and running errands, including going to a used book store to purchase books for our non-profit’s upcoming book swap, and getting supplies for my upcoming class where I am teaching how to make dream catchers, we ended the afternoon, 4-5 hours of running errands in the crazy heat, with some wonderful and tasty frozen yogurt.  My excitement for my Sunday craft class was bubbling inside of me, so I secluded myself in my craft room and I made an example for the class and before I knew it, dinner time was upon us.  Trying to get the instapot to work for the very first time was beyond my mental capacity, so I called in reinforcements.  They assisted, but we concluded that it would take too much time to cook the meat for dinner, so we would have a vegetarian meal instead.

And it was after dinner, and after I put the finishing touches on a second dream catcher that I made that night, that one for a dear friend, that I received the email stating that my blood work results were in and I could access them via the secure portal.  I was elated and full of excitement as I had been anxiously waiting to find out where my hormones levels were resting.  I have been doing so amazing and I have been attributing it all to my hormones, so of course my numbers must have improved, they just must have. (You may see where this is going…)

I grabbed my laptop and as she is booting up, I offer my family the ability to place bets on what my estrogen numbers will be in between the ranges of 70-100, you know just to make it fun.  I offer a dollar for the person that is the closest to the actual number.  I did not get the best participation.  My daughter was a little taken aback that we were placing bets, but I thought it was comical.

I sign in, I hit the link, the file is opening, and I look at the number and it happens… my jaw drops, and my eyes go wide… the number has dropped by nearly 20 points.  How in the Mary Mother of Jesus white bread with egg salad sandwiches world has this happened?  There much be an error; I must have clicked on the wrong report.  I go back to the main page and go to the most recent report and open it again and sure as seashells at the seashore, the number is right there staring right back at me.  I sink in my chair; how can this be?  I was disappointed and confused and angry.

My body never ceases to amaze me.  It is a beautiful creation, that is me!  But hot damn is she confusing as hell, and whoa nelly, does she have a mind of her own.  I meet with my doctor this week and I am not sure what to expect.  What options do I have left at this point?  When my body is not reacting or accepting the treatments that are available, what does a person do?

As sung by a band called Bombshel in their song, Fight like a Girl, you “hold your head high.  Don’t ever let ’em define The light in your eyes. Love yourself, give them Hell. You can take on this world. You just stand and be strong And then fight Like a girl.”

5 thoughts on “Fight Like a Girl”

    1. I am going to brainstorm with my doctor when I see her this week. I am not sure I am resistant or if I am so depleted that I am acting like a sponge?? I do know that I am feeling better and that is SUCH a blessing!!


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