Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Anti-Anxiety Cat Napping Music Swaying

jumping cute playing animals
Photo by Gratisography on

After a long weekend of embracing my inner cat (sleeping, napping, and sleeping some more), it is back to the work week and being human which consists of wearing form fitting clothes, a for-real bra, and make-up.  Every part of me thinks that the weekend went by too quickly and my inner cat still wants to be home lounging and napping in the sunlight bathed couch, but alas, I must be an adult and work, or perhaps, take a short break and blog.

It was a great weekend.  As I mentioned above, there was quite a bit of napping, cat napping, to be exact, that would consist of me napping with my trusted little baby kitties napping right along side me.  I got up to go to a non-profit event where we packed school supplies into boxes for classrooms that were in need and I came home, fed my face and you guessed it, went to sleep.  I got up, worked for a little bit, then went back to sleep.  This continued into Sunday as well.  Had some family time, some nap time, some work time, some more nap time, followed by grocery shopping, eating time, then lounging time and before I knew it, the weekend was over, and I was like oh golly gee Willinger’s where did the weekend go.  It went with the sand man is where it went, but it was heavenly, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The big event that I totally skipped over was the night out on Friday night.  We had an adult’s night out and went to a concert.  There was four bands and they were all pretty good.  The band we went to see, the headliner, was FANTASTIC.  Best show that I have seen this band put on and I was just loving their music and performance.

But what made the night exquisite, was what was missing.  And that was the big giant anxiety monster that typically accompanies me everywhere I go.  I had some anxiety, don’t get me wrong, there’s usually always some, but it was so minimum that I was on cloud nine.  I was actually moving to the music.  Don’t get the wrong idea, I was NOT dancing, because I do not dance, I do not have those genes, but I was swaying with the music and just feeling the vibes.  At many points, I closed my eyes and just felt what there was to be felt.  I let down my guard and embraced what was around me.  And this was HUGE for me.  Closing my eyes in a room of complete strangers, letting my defenses down, what the hell???  Such gloriousness…

There were no fears about my safety in the facility, or paranoia about someone that may or may not bump into me.  At several moments I recall thinking that I was the only person in the room.  And the fact that I was not secluded and sitting on the bleachers, but out on the floor amongst the living, this was just so big for me.

I got here as several weeks ago I took a step and chose to change my medication to a reduced dose.  I was scared, but I did it any way because I felt it was what was needed, and the time was right.

A month or two ago we adjusted my hormone medication and chose to be more aggressive and we have paid more attention to the actual hormones and streamlined our approach and refined our treatment.

I am now able to live my best life because of taking a risk, listening to my gut and working with my doctors.  I can not begin to describe how exciting it is to begin to get your life back and to slowly step away from living in fear and taking baby steps into living in a life that is built on, courage.

I want to stand on the top of a mountain and scream, scream about how happy I am and excited I am to be living such a better life.  It’s been a long journey, a rough, tumultuous, scary and pain filled expedition.  It is incredibly rewarding to be at a place where there is some peace and joy.  To feel happiness and contentment, to sway to the beat of the music that is playing in the background of my life.

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