This weekend I spent time doing numerous things:
- I napped (gloriousness, I tell you, pure heaven)
- I went to the gym (Not quite gloriousness, but a good experience that made me feel proud of my accomplishment)
- Tidying up parts of my home (again felt pride and accomplishment for getting things done off my to do list)
- I worked in my craft room on a few art projects
- Silly me, I forgot that I taught an art class as well.
However, what I wanted to write about is what came to me when I was in my craft room.
Now, let me take a step back and talk about my craft room for a moment. My craft room is half of the family office, and when I say half, I mean three quarters (you know how stuff starts to stretch from my side to his side, just like the closet in the bedroom). It was built by my father, my spouse and myself and it took less than a day, costing less than $500. It is everything I ever wanted in a craft room (and I have wanted a craft room for years, and years and years). It is my sanctuary and my place of refuge. It is my creation station, where the magic happens, my popsicle stick and glue castle. It is my think think think spot. It is hard to articulate what this place is to me because it is so much to me and means so much that words do not begin to be able to describe what it is.
Last night I was think think thinking, and I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I have everything that I want in my life. It has come to me in an unusual way than I expected, but I have it and last night I was feeling incredibly content. I have a loving family, a committed spouse, a home, a very safe and reliable vehicle, a secure and stable job, loving pets, amazing friends, enough clothes to provide variety when clothing me.
And then I began thinking about my mental health, the thing that always seems to make me question life in general. But last night I was content with what it is. That I have ups and I have downs and that is what it is and that is the way that my life will be. Right now, in this very moment, I am ok, and I can rejoice in this positive event. It may be fleeting, but while I have it, I will rejoice in the time that I have in this place of positiveness and stability.
I do not know why I have Bipolar Disorder and a few other disorders that go along with it. But I do know that I am strong. I know that I will not allow anything to defeat me and that each time I go up against something, even if it beats me down to a pulp, I will rise back up and be even more strong as result of the beating that I received.
I persevere through all that I encounter. I make the best out of all that I go through. I do not allow anything to defeat me and I never ever give up, even when I feel that is my only option, I fight it and keeping moving forward until another option presents itself.
I do not have a house with a picket fence, a husband, two children (boy and girl) with a dog and a cat. I do not have a perfect life. But I do love my life. I love my spouse, who has been by my side for the last 10 years, five of which has been a rocky, rocky road due to mental health issues. I love my children and the individuals that they are, their creativity and the way that they show their love. It is no surprise that I am in total love with my animals, they are my love bugs.
I am beyond blessed. And there are many, many days that I am unable to see this due to the clouds of depression that shield my eyes from the truth. So I write today to remind myself of all that I have and how blessed I am. To remind myself that I have all that I have ever wanted: A faithful, loving spouse, children, pets, a secure job, and reliable transportation.
This blog is for me, for when I am in a dark place, I am can draw it back up and re-read it and remind myself of all that I have and how incredibly blessed that I am.