Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Lemons

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What is the saying for lemons?  Is it the lemons don’t fall far from the tree?  Or a bad lemon spoils the bunch?  Oh yeah, I don’t think it is either one of those.  Let me think, oh yeah, it’s “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!”

I have had numerous lemons given to me, perhaps a number of boxes or a crate or a dump truck full.  Therefore, I have made a ton of lemonade, so to speak.  At this point in time, I am sick of lemonade.  It’s either sour or sweet and I’ve also had enough cavities from all that sugar!

I recently celebrated a birthday.  I am smack dab in the middle of my 30’s.  And boy things are going down hill (literally) fast.  I am noticing changes that I am not thrilled about.

I recently went to the optometrist because I was having a horrible time with night vision.  It made driving feel risky and I was struggling with even allowing my self to drive at night.  I already have driving anxiety so it was exemplified due to the problems with the night vision.  After seeing the doctor I found out that my eye sight was now increasingly worse and this occurred over a short amount of time (4 months to be precise).  The new prescription will clear everything up, literally speaking, and for this I am grateful.

However, I took this news hard.  The change in the astigmatism is probably from age.  But, the overall prescription change is most likely caused by my medication change.  I was in tears conversating with my spouse about how frustrated I was with the side effects of medication.  And how I was struggling with the fact that I have a condition that is not curable and will require medication for the rest of my life.  In that conversation I was reassured that I am doing really well, symptomatically speaking.

Through my tears, runny nose and mascara trailing down my cheeks, I had to stop and take in what he said.  The truth is this is the most stable I have ever been.  And with the change in medication I was actually able to lose a quarter of the weight that I have gained over the last four years.  My anxiety is decreasing and the irritability is extremely low and almost non-existent.

With this thinking, I am making lemonade.  And I am making it the way that I like it, and that’s with a little bit of ice tea in it.  It’s easy to get caught up in how many lemons you get in life.  To dwell on the unfairness of life and pout about the crap that has flowed downhill.  But, I have found that stopping, taking a breath and then thinking before acting is what is helping me succeed.

Today I am trying to embody a sense of peace and lightness.  To connect with my inner being and find solace in my soul.

7 thoughts on “Lemons”

  1. If medication works thank God for it! My mother had medication change her from a 100 lb woman to a 140 lb woman when she was in her 30’s. She hated her new self but without the med would have died…literally. She decided life itself was worth it and lived happily until her death at 95.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I too have gained 40 lbs in my thirties from medication but thankfully I am mentally stable right now and have realized I’m going to have to deal with it even though I don’t like it. Lots of tears have been shed over this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have been learning to be accepting of what is, just in general. If it’s weight gain, or other side effects due to medication. I have been trying to take a step back and show appreciation for all things and especially making sure that I am focusing on the fact that I have been pretty stable for a few months now, minus a few blurps.
        thank you for your post.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel you. I also have a non-curable disease which caused my kidneys to fail. Now, I am on Immunosuppressants the rest of my life. But, my Migraines are the most annoying. I have tried everything for them. I am just thankful for the good days and roll with the bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i am learning to be thankful for the good days and for me, not worrying about how long they will last, or when the shoe will drop. I have been trying to just be, in the simplest form, just being in the present, in the moment and it has been somewhat successful.

      Like

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