There are times in life when I am sad. It’s usually when there is a lot of trivial things mixed in with a couple of big things that leave me asking myself why. Why do certain things happen? Why is there hurt and pain? Why are there times that I feel simply, sad?
There’s just enough feelings welled up inside me that I well up with tears at country songs. Then there’s the times when I look at my partner, thrilled to see him, but I can’t help but let the tears run down my face. Seeing him and knowing that he’s my strength, my rock, allows me to let my walls down. I get relief knowing that he will be there to physically hold me as I weep.
It’s sitting wondering what I’m going to do. How am I going to shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness in order to get done what I need to get done? The reality is that hiding under covers is not a healthy way to cope. That getting up, dressing and heading out the door, is what I need. If it’s going to the gym, jogging on the treadmill and having tears run down my face, that’s what I’ll do.
This is all sort of easy to type and put on paper. It’s the bringing it to reality, making it happen, creating a space for it in my world, that’s the struggle. A reality is I am sad. I want to sit and cry until I run out of tears. If I could do something to change what is happening that would be great, but I can’t. The reality is that I am not able to change what is happening. This is perhaps the thing that brings the largest amount of sadness. I feel like I am a paralyzed bystander unable to help people in need. This is a painful place to be.
With pain is growth. As I persevere through all of this, I am bound to become stronger, although that is hard to imagine at this moment. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other. Even if I take a step or two backwards and fall to the ground, I will dust myself off and will resume my walk. A walk that may turn into a jog, potentially transitioning into a nice healthy run. This is where my path is right now, but as I keep progressing, I know that this too shall pass.
Feelings are passing. The sadness will diminish. The ability to see the sun behind the clouds will happen. I will feel joy and happiness, sometime in the near future, I just know it, deep down in my heart.