The below was composed yesterday, but inadvertently not posted. Babbles HAVE returned, but slowly and not so gracefully.
Yesterday I was struggling to write. I was overcome with emotions and thoughts. However, when it came to placing them on paper, it just wasn’t working. I was off, just not in the right place to write. Nor was it a day to get my thoughts out in an orderly, understandable kind of a way. There was just too much going on, in my world and my head.
Today is no different. I have written an entire page, but they are babbles, incoherent words strung together in the form of a sentence. There was no cohesiveness. The transition between thoughts was weak. Spelling and grammar simply wrong.
What is going on in my world? Why is this happening.? In the past I have gotten the impression that I was writing too much, and now I can’t even post a thing. What is this the result of? Why am I unable to get words down on paper?
Much is going on in my life, this may be the cause. Nothing astronomical. But, when compounded it adds up and turns into a big nasty monster. I am assuming that in attempts to calm my spirit, the anxiety monsters have taken over my brain. And let me tell you those monsters are relentless.
I have been quite critical the last few days and not giving myself a break. Perhaps there is a reason that I am not writing. Maybe my brain needs to be working on something else? Is there the chance that I just don’t have anything to say?
It’s hard to fathom that I don’t have anything to say, but maybe that IS the case. There’s much going on, and I am dealing with it. It’s not always pretty, but I am doing it. There have been so many tears and much mascara running down my face. Staying up at night, thoughts running through my head, missing out on sleep. Being encompassed by the wish that I could do something to make everything better. Settling with the fact that there is nothing that I can really do but maybe sit on the sidelines and observe.
I have little to say.
There is little that I can do.
I feel small in this big giant world in which we live.
This is life, at least for right now.
My words will come back in time. I will adjust to my new role. The anxiety will subside. Babbles will return.