Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

My Eyes Have Been Opened


grayscale close up photo of human eye
Photo by enfantnocta on

I have chosen to not speak about the pandemic that has come and taken over the world, like a masked villain whose sole purpose is to cause havoc upon the city.  I have found that it is hard to get away from what’s happening in the world right now.  There are updates constantly on the radio, projected on signs suspended above the highways and of course there is an absurd amount of information, some true, some false, all-over social media.

With what is going on, I have had time to think about things.  I have been forced to look deep inside and discover the good and bad that exist within my body. Through this venture, I have found that I am a bit materialist.  By a bit, I mean pretty grand.  Simply stated, I like having stuff.  It brings me joy and the sense of security.  I am far less materialist than I was 5-10 years ago, but nonetheless I still like having my stuff surround me, you know in that Scrooge McDuck sitting on top of his coin fortune kind of way.

When I drive, I reflect, I think and ponder.  When I was driving on Friday afternoon, leaving the house to get a much needed prescription from the pharmacy, I noticed a bit.  At 530 PM there were no cars on the road.  It was a ghost town.  I was expecting to see a tumbleweed roll past my SUV.  With less cars on the road I started to think.  Inside my comfortably roomy and safe SUV it hit me hard that much doesn’t matter like it used to.  It doesn’t matter what I kind of vehicle I drive.  Nor does it matter how much money I have.  I kept thinking and it dawned on me that it really doesn’t matter that I’ve finally hit my goal weight, something that I have been working on for years.  Furthermore, a closet full, like full full of clothes, nope doesn’t mean shit.  The size of my house has no impact on what is going on right now.

Simply put, the things that DO matter include health, not wealth.  My focus is on staying safe and not getting sick.  More attention is spent being cautious but courteous.  It is a gift having enough food to eat and let’s face it, enough toilet paper and paper towels.  I find it to be a blessing, that I was able to buy gloves before they were sold out and that my mother is so incredibly talented and skilled that she made me a high-quality mask to wear when I am out in public.  I have a job, and this is huge.  These are the things that matter.

When this is all over, I anticipate that I am going to come out as a better person.  More kind, less judgmental, more appreciative of the trivial things and a person that loves more unconditionally.

5 thoughts on “My Eyes Have Been Opened”

  1. Looking at oneself is always most difficult! I’m glad that you were able to and find many positives during these trying times!
    Love you!


  2. A bit of history. Howard Hughes the billionaire had no worry for money. If he wanted it he would get it.
    Later on in his life he became a germ phobe. This caused him to be a recluse, so much so that he didn’t enjoy life. He died practically alone, and left all his money behind.
    You can have all the money in the world, but if you don’t have your health, what good is it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Such amazing words that you are sharing… as you stated, if we don’t have our health, what good is it? I totally am feeling that strong right now. My eyes truly have been opened to a whole new world it feels like.

      Liked by 1 person

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