Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Babbles: Day 7

 

ax in the stump
Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

The best way to describe me today is very Punky Bruster (what an awesome show).

Today is a pig tails day.  I just did not have it in me to blow dry out my hair this morning.  I did complete the application of make up, adorned my ears with dangles and a necklace to match.  My outfit, hooo wee, it is quite creative today.  Blues, flowers and leopard print shoes.

I still do not feel like myself.  I feel “off”.  Mentally, physically and emotionally.

I am thinking about a block of wood that is on a chopping block.  Then the heavy ax that comes hammering down and splits the wood in half.  This is what is happening in my head.  This headache is a splitting one and I am waiting for relief from the pain and discomfort.

Next thing that comes to mind is a bobber that is going up and down in the water.  The flow of the water lulling it.  The up and down, the fluidity of the movement, this is what is happening to my stomach.  The nauseousness, the uneasiness, the I think I am going to lose my lunch, but then no nothing.

I venture to the garage and there are numerous boxes.  In the very back corner of the garage is a smaller box.  The box is dark, there are cobwebs.  I am lured to the box because I feel like I can relate to who it is.  The emptiness of the box is what I feel in my head.  The inability to concentrate, the think think thinking I have to do like Pooh Bear, Christopher Robin’s friend.  I stare at the screen and think that perhaps magically I will figure out what I need to be thinking about, rather than being in the dark black abyss.

I find it quite interesting that I was raised in a manner that has assisted me in getting through the obstacles that I have encountered in my life.

The motto of pulling oneself up from their bootstraps, that is what you do.  You get knocked down, you brush the dirt off your knees, you get up and you start walking.  Onward and upward.

I know this.  In my heart.  But there is so much “bad data” swirling around in my head, its so loud, that it drowns out the positive, uplifting and edifying thoughts.  I know that this too shall pass.  I am holding onto this truth.  I am fighting through the discomfort and I am trying, just trying to do what needs to be done.

3 thoughts on “Babbles: Day 7”

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