Changes are happening, there’s been a shift. I am looking at things a little bit differently.
I sit here, thinking and wondering what am I learning from this most recent rapid cycling episode?
After much thought I realized I am learning that I have immense strength and perseverance. I am powering through an aggressive bout and I am succeeding. I am making it through the day and then I rest.
I also realized how incredibly blessed I am.
My family has rallied around me with so much support. Whether it is a big bear hug, or making dinner for the umpteenth time, there is love and care being expressed. The love ventures out to letting me sleep on the couch with my blankie, listening to me cry over unbearable symptoms and saying all the right things. The big thing is that they are loving me, which is an incredible gift that I am being given during these trials and tribulations.
I am learning what more of my triggers are, the symptoms and how they present themselves. I now realize that I have had rapid cycling symptoms for weeks. I identified that I get very needy with those people who are my rocks. I must have them, I need to tell them silly things like right now, and I am like a small child pulling on apron strings yelling, “mom, mom, mom, mommy!” Needless to say I can be pretty obnoxious.
A big symptom is the itch to shop. There are things that I MUST have, and I can totally justify my purchases (a sewing kit, fabric, needles, all so I can make masks for those that I love and care about). But it is a big sign and can spiral out of control very quickly.
Partnership is so incredibly important.
I am working with my doctor, speaking every few days, to make sure that I am on point. We are making slight changes to medications, doses, when I take them and how I take them. The side effects are making me want to crawl under a table, sit and be in the dark. I feel simply horrible. But I know in my heart of hearts that this will pass, I will feel well again (and hopefully soon).
So much has happened as this shift occurred. I feel lighter but also more in control. I am blessed even though I am on this rapid cycling roller coaster. Maintaining this mindset will allow me to exceed and excel in my recovery and working to obtain stability.
I have hope.