Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Day 14: Wonderfully Made

IMG_1049You are beautifully and wonderfully made…

Words written many years ago.  Yet, words that still heal all these years later.

But the actuality of the matter is that is not “the” verse.

It is what I remember about the verse.  It is what is motivating and inspiring to me.  The actual verse is:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14)

The words, my version of the words, came to me today as I was throwing away a tissue that was filled with my tears.

Tears shed for numerous reasons.  Not feeling well, feeling like I am not performing up to par, the feeling of frustration for the place I am in right now.  Tears because I am not in control and knowing that there is little that I can do.  This set back has been a challenging one for sure.

When there is a set back in my life, I take it very hard.  I am quite critical and flat out harsh.  There is no “baby kittying” in place.  No speaking nicely, not uplifting and edifying.  I think that I am a lesser being.  Fearing I will be rejected and that I am undeserving of love.

Most recently, I made a choice to go back on a medication that I was originally on back in 2016.  In the past I chose to come off that medication due to excessive weight gain and a few other side effects that were a nuisance.  This go around I know what to expect but am choosing to focus on the fact that in the past this medication brought me stability, which is the goal.

As hard as it will be, has been and continues to be, I am going to keep pressing on.  I am going to: “…press on toward the goal to win the prize….” (Philippians 3:14) I am going to remind myself that I am beautifully and wonderfully made (fearfully too).

These words are the truth, motivate me to accept that I am still worthwhile especially because I have bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, and my Grandmother’s impressive nose.

Press on you beautifully, wonderfully, fearfully made creation.

2 thoughts on “Day 14: Wonderfully Made”

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