Bipolar Disorder, Uncategorized

Day 15: I sit and I pray

IMG_5094Sitting. Shaking. Mind Racing. Legs restless. Nauseated. Head pounding. Tears running.

Simply put, I feel like I am in hell.

Sitting, but wanting to run.

Shaking, but trying to distract myself.

Mind racing, so many thoughts, things to do, places to go, the pure, angelic desire to have peace and quiet in the space between my ears.

Legs trying to run… not staying still, moving about, being a complete nuisance.

So sick to my stomach, trying to eat but futile.

Head, its pounding, it’s thump thump thumping…

The tears, the not that I am sad tears, but the I am so incredibly frustrated tears.

 

Is this all from the new medication?

Is this all from withdrawing off the old medication?

 

So many questions, but all I want to know if when am I going to feel better.

When will there be peace, calm and balance over my body.

 

I sit and I pray.

12 thoughts on “Day 15: I sit and I pray”

  1. I don’t know how long you have been on your new medication, but I’m sure you know it can take weeks before you start to see a difference. So I hope you see some difference soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hi! its not been long and i am longingly waiting for the days to pass and I get through this funky stage where i just feel horrible. I have been through this before in the past with med changes… considerably bad day today… but trying to remain positive, hope to make some cloth masks this evening as a self care/creative outlet task

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s early days then. It’s horrible when getting past that stage whether coming off meds, or changing. Hopefully you will see the benefits in the coming weeks. I hope making those cloth masks aid in a little distraction.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, exactly, the early days. I feel like I have lost some of my tolerance, as I have been through this before, but this time feels worse.
        Making the masks last night felt good. I was productive, but not stressed and making them to donate makes me feel like I am doing good work.
        Thank you so much for your support.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes, somewhat… using the sewing machine is the big thing and then ensuring that the folds are in place and sturdy. It helps me hyper focus on something other than my brain. I have donated to a homeless shelter and that brings me great joy. But, it brings ME joy, because I am doing something and feel productive and I am using my brain and that makes me feel worthwhile.
        all around it is just one gift wrapped in another gift.

        Liked by 1 person

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