There is much to say and nothing to say all at the same time. So here they come… making a grand entrance, Babbles… ta da!
I find that it’s when I am in this place that babbles happen, some are decent other are basically crap. So we will see where this one goes. I’ll start writing and we will see where we end up.
I just had the most amazing hot dog of my life! Prior to this most recent eating experience, I don’t recall the last time I had a hot dog, but golly jee biscuits and gravy, that was an amazing lunch that I just enjoyed. I could probably ingested 10 hotdogs, so it’s a good thing I only brought one with me. It blows my mind the amazing things that bring such joy to my day.
Sleep (or the lack there of)
I have been struggling staying asleep for a full night for a few weeks now (hello mania!). I will be up at 4 or 5 AM for several days and then sleep in what seems like a coma until 9 AM on one out of every five days or so. The inconsistency is definitely not good for my mental health. We (psych and I) are working on modifying medications to try and help me normalize the sleeping patterns.
Today I was up at 3 AM. Right now I am starting to crash, but I am pushing through. I am determined to make it through the entire workday. The goal is to crash when I get home and not a moment before that.
This morning from 330-630 AM I was in my sewing room assembling masks to sew in an assembly line fashion. The sewing machine can be a little loud, so I do not actually sew until the house is awake. On a related note, I have been doing a better job of being quiet in the morning. Most times I try to be quiet, I drop something or trip over a cat and crash into a couch waking the house.
With the rapid cycling that I have been experiencing it is hard to remain cheerful and optimistic. I catch myself asking why this is happening? What did I do? Why won’t it end? This is allowing bitterness to set in.
I do believe that there is a lesson in everything, somewhere in this whole debacle, is a lesson. Not sure when I will learn what it is (the lesson), but it is there. Every day, sometimes every minute, I have to remind my brain the positives in my life that lift my spirits. Mindset is huge when dealing with a mental illness, the more positive, the better the outcome (In my humble, yet accurate opinion).
Today I am meditating on strength. I am strong. I have strength and it will get me through all things.