In 2016 I thought that I had the worst of bad days when I was going through this rough patch diagnosed as severe rapid cycling bi polar with psychosis post-hysterectomy.
How could that be what’s “wrong” with me? I don’t have mental illness. “I’m fine”.
It was the worst of bad days. Followed by many, many worst bad days.
More worst of bad days came and I found that I had to keep slowing down. For so long I had been so wound tight that there was no room for rest of relaxation. There was just go go go and my brain was in hyper drive. Constantly moving and doing (I still fall victim to this today).
The diagnosis of the mental breakdown taught me to slow down. Stop, breathe. Take in the sights, smell a flower. Enjoy an afternoon nap. Just sit on the couch.
I still go through the worst bad days but now I know them to be temporary. They will pass and there will be sunshine. But it took going through a lot of worst bad days to get to the point where I believed this in my heart. That it became part of me, part of my soul.