Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, therapy


Photo by Alena Koval on

I have been thinking, a lot.  Like all the time, very much so stuck in my head.

I have seen a continued improvement in my mood and overall composure, but still very much so stuck in my head.  I am learning more about mindfulness and am working to apply these skills to my day to day life so I can get a little bit less “stuck”.

I was typing on my phone the other day and I noticed that my fingernails were getting long again.  I am not a fan of long nails, they annoy me to be perfectly honest.  Great for scratching the scalp during a nice hot shower but other than that, I find them to be a total pain in the rumpus.

Since my fingernails were growing at the rate that they have been, I concluded that I must be in a place where I am taking loving care of my body and getting the nutrients that I need.  As I was always under the impression that when the body is good and healthy things grow and flourish.  Way to go me!~

In addition to the my fingernails growing so are my toenails.  And this may be too much information, but this makes me giddy with excitement.  I have suffered from ingrown toenails for years and this last go around with the podiatrist he was more aggressive, and it left my toes looking a mess.  Like no sandals for me because my toes were just too ugly.  And in addition to the unsightliness of the digits, they hurt and that is just no Bueno.  Most recently I noticed that they are also in good health and nearly all the way grown out.  This brought a smile to my face, a fear to touch them, but a smile for sure.

Hair.  Hair growth.  Magical words.  I go through phases where I grow my hair to my shoulders and then I cut it into a pixie cut, no longer being able to deal with the full of volume hair that I inherited from my mother.  I immediately regret my decision (the getting the pixie cut) and then work to grow it back out (a long painful, filled with tears and regret process).  We are on grow out number 25 or something at this point.  I have also chosen not to dye my hair back to my natural color, but rock some really decent roots with reddish brown ends to my hair.  I am trying to 1). Save my hair from more chemicals and 2). Save money.  So far, so good.  And I actually am liking the way that it looks, which is a total win.

Each morning when I do my hair, I get excited that I have hair that I now can do so much more with.  I even can pull off a Pebbles ponytail which totally makes me have a pep in my step as well as a spikey little ponytail.

I share all this for a reason.  Much like the time it takes for nails and hair to grow, slowly that is, so does healing.  I am still working on coming out of probably the worst depression I have been in ever and making strides every day towards wellness, stability, and happiness.  A combination of surrounding myself with positive energy and expanding my knowledge by using a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) skills workbook, I am re-learning some of what I have already been taught previously but did not absorb at that point of encounter and then also learning new techniques to managing my life.

I keep reminding myself that it takes time.  Everything did not get to the point of darkness overnight and therefore it will not enter into the light (and stay there) overnight either.  Every day I take a moment or two to congratulate myself for the progress that I have made, the small steps that have turned into strides ending in leaps and bounds. 

Perspective is something that I have been working on.  It is all about perspective I keep telling myself.  I could punish myself for not being at the place where I had hoped I would be, or I could take joy in not being in the place where I had been.  The latter is a lot healthier and has helped to make my life far more enjoyable.

My reminder today is that things take time to grow.  Nails, hair, strength.  All takes time, and along the way if we congratulate ourselves for the growth that we now have under our belt as compared to chastising ourselves for what we have not done, the better off we will be.

I challenge you to congratulate yourself for what you have accomplished and to adjust your mindset to one of positivity, one that focuses on how far you have come and not have far you have left to go.

1 thought on “Growth”

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