Bipolar Disorder, Uncategorized

One Pill, Two Pill, Red Pill, Zombie

I stare at the computer screen. My mind is blank. The lack of racing thoughts is a delight, quite a nice little present, given to me in a pink polka dotted wrapped box with a coordinating bow. This is what we were going for, right?  To have the anxiety, racing irrational thoughts, and paranoia to… Continue reading One Pill, Two Pill, Red Pill, Zombie

Bipolar Disorder, Uncategorized

Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps

I leave the psychiatrist office and tears are streaming down my face, again. I have numerous mixed emotions.  Frustration, defeat, sadness, anger… and the good ole “why is this happening to me?” running through my mind…   I am well into a full month of a mixed episode, and the changes we have made to… Continue reading Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Cupcakes After Dark

The room is dark.  The cat is in his place on the floor at the foot of the bed.  The sound machine fills the room with the sound of a glorious rain storm.  I face my partner and I mention that I was not tired.  I shared that I was thinking of all the things… Continue reading Cupcakes After Dark

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

  In 1982 a movie called Annie was released.  It was about a little red headed girl, Annie, who lives in an orphanage.  There was a song that she sang while in the orphanage that would help her on the days where she was feeling down.  Below are some of the lyrics: The sun'll come… Continue reading The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Bipolar Disorder, Uncategorized

Think, Think, Think…

I sit in the front room of an empty office at the community table, alone.  It was a collaboration day, some of my favorite work days.  Gathering together with a group of insanely intelligent individuals to  talk about our project and brainstorm. However, today I struggled to focus.  It was my vibrating hand.  Shaking in… Continue reading Think, Think, Think…

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Medical Withdrawal

Friday afternoon I sat on the couch that was opposite my doctor.  She looked at my file (large, filled with numerous pages depicting my numerous visits).  She looked up and said, if you are back this soon, something must not be going very well.  I sighed (I hate sighing, I hate when others sigh, but… Continue reading Medical Withdrawal

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Chasing Rabbits

In the book, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Alice follows a rabbit down a rabbit hole and discovers a whole new world, one where impossible things are possible, flowers talk, and tea parties are actually entertaining.  It’s one of my favorite books.  And it’s a favorite because I can completely relate to Alice’s character.  She is… Continue reading Chasing Rabbits