Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Worst Bad Days

In 2016 I thought that I had the worst of bad days when I was going through this rough patch diagnosed as severe rapid cycling bi polar with psychosis post-hysterectomy.  How could that be what’s “wrong” with me? I don’t have mental illness. “I’m fine”. It was the worst of bad days.  Followed by many, many… Continue reading Worst Bad Days

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life

Keep Going

I often feel like my boot is stuck in the mud. I can’t seem to wiggle it free so I stand there. I usually start to cry. I know I can step out of my boot and be free, muddy but free, but I want my boot, both of them and I want to be… Continue reading Keep Going

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life

Sitting Waiting Looking Anticipating

SittingWaiting LookingAnticipating  The anxiety that ensues when you are waiting to see a doctor. A new doctor mind you. A proclaimed expert doctor. A doctor that may be able to tell you something new or the same as what you’ve heard before. Time and time again. It’s the wondering. The thinking of who is this person. Do… Continue reading Sitting Waiting Looking Anticipating

Bipolar Disorder, Uncategorized

It’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to

There are days when I feel some people do not get it.  It being a variety of things.  Mental illness, chronic pain, grieving? Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com There are days (like today) where I just need to or want to cry, because there are no other emotions that fit how I am feeling.  I… Continue reading It’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery

Day 44: Days Explained

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com It has been a few posts since I did “the countdown” … the “countdown” that I never explained (or have I forgotten ?!?) It is day 44 since the breakdown that started this here spiral into rapid cycling that has tried (yes, tried being the most important word) to ruin… Continue reading Day 44: Days Explained

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Pokoj aka Polish Peace

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com I am tired. Yet I am awake. I feel beat up. But in the same regard, I feel empowered. It is pretty mind blowing to be able to be in two places at once, oh like, let us say, rapid cycling?  Being up and down at the same time,… Continue reading Pokoj aka Polish Peace

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, recovery, Uncategorized

Bumpy Landings

I have embarked on a number of trips via airplane.  For me, there is a considerable amount of stress that is part of the travel process.  The confined space on the plane, the people sitting so close, and the fear if they will they have enough coffee?  These are all things I worry over. Some… Continue reading Bumpy Landings

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Day 21: Tired

It is officially the third week since riding out this Bipolar rapid cycling episode. The counting of days in the title comes from the days since I had the breakdown.  It is hard to believe it has been 3 weeks already. My doctors are working hard to help me, assist my body to heal, get… Continue reading Day 21: Tired

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Day 13: Love

Over the last four days there was quite a bit of thinking going on. My brain was on overdrive and at all times I wish I could have documented all the thoughts that I had rapidly expressing down my freeway of a brain on paper. A topic that continued to ruminate through all this thinking… Continue reading Day 13: Love

Bipolar Disorder, Everyday Life, Uncategorized

Babbles: Day 8

Changes are happening, there’s been a shift.  I am looking at things a little bit differently. I sit here, thinking and wondering what am I learning from this most recent rapid cycling episode? After much thought I realized I am learning that I have immense strength and perseverance.  I am powering through an aggressive bout… Continue reading Babbles: Day 8